The dreaded ‘F’ word

Do you really know what a feminist looks like?

Maybe I’m a feminist. Maybe you’re a feminist, who knows? How would you know? That word, the dreaded F word has caused such tedious stigma for quite some time. A stigma that disgusts me. As a society we’ve given feminism one of the worst connotations. The debate towards claiming your husbands last name, reducing rape numbers or the role of female superheros floods our mouths and minds as we explore the feminist world.

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As soon as you even hear the word feminist you more than likely force your minds into imagining some man-hating,angry, undersexed woman with hairs sprouting from her armpits and beavers growing on her legs. A woman that would instantly burn you alive at even suggesting she should put you together a delicious bacon sandwich. You probably sit there thinking how much you want to tell these called feminist bitches to ‘quit cryin.’ Well let’s have a reality check because honey you’re living in the wrong century.

Let’s get one thing straight without the label ‘feminist’ the bottom end of it is simply, equal rights, equal chances, equal opportunities. Not just for women however every single human being. I feel it’s an opportunity for a stance in empowering men and women to break certain gender roles.  And why would you be that ignorant in disagreeing we all deserve a chance, is equality that inadequate to you?

‘I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there’s on thing I know for certain, this has to stop.’ – Emma Watson

I adore this quote because of the amount of truth is provides. The way many people view feminism is simply down hatred and anger, is this really the way we should be displaying equal opportunities to our younger generations? Rather than the word being taboo, we should acknowledge feminism in a positive concept to progress humans in many ways. I think rather than creating this label upon women, we should be proud and stand forth in and to show confidence and independence in what we believe. If you’re a women that cannot bring herself to the thought of doing and cringe at the thought, then I hand you my disgust.

What causes my skin the crawl most and my blood to boil is the sense we’ve created that to be a feminist you have to portray yourself in some certain manner. For one it doesn’t matter at all if you are male, female, old, young, gay, straight, English or American. Whoever you may be if you consider each and every individual to have a right politically, economically, or socially,  you’re a feminist.

And yes! You heard right you can be male and be a ‘feminist’ without it having to send you down the daunting road of less masculinity. As I said we aren’t out to murder you with like feminist witches however this is just another expectation and connotation, a pathetic one if that. There are many males who have claimed to be feminist recently; Prince Harry and Joseph Gordon- Levitt and there is no shame at all in them doing so. I believe that truly portrays what the whole subject is about – standing up for what you believe.

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Honestly I don’t quite understand the huge deal towards feminism. I say you break the rules a little, go on stand out your comfort zone. I’m a feminist and proud.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

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Together or Not At All…

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have a few photos to share with you…

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Here’s one of my best friends Chloe, or in my case Beardy. No one ever understands why we are so happy to see each other. Why we connect the way we do. I want to tell you a bit about here because by the end I can swear to you, you’ll adore her as much as I do.

Back in the days when I’d rather not remember my hair decisions or my fashion choices, I met Chloe. I hate to say it but never for a second did I ever think she would have the impact on me that she has. Over the years without realization me and beard have become almost dependent on each other. It was only however when we didn’t have each other there to bounce off, did we come to acknowledge it – only allowing us to resemble a married couple.  I can honestly say that she’s been there thick and thin whenever I needed her, from the smallest to the biggest thing. It’s not often you find someone like that, that can be there day in day out and it’s only when they’re gone you say “hold on a minute, they were my bloody partner in crime” …

I feel privileged in knowing that Beardy has come to me for various things over the years, little aspects of her life she has slowly but surely began to open up to, knowing she can put her trust in to me is wonderful. I’ve watched this trust build up, at first cautious however slowly but surely finding hope in me.

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You know the person who is the strongest? The joy to everyone’s day with not a single bad word pass their lips and spark in their step. I always see this in Chloe, no matter what she’d be there for anyone and everyone. I’m one of the only people who have seen the slightly different side. The less confident, scared and lonely girl just wanting to be saved from all the demons many of us face in different ways.

As you know, I’m extremely up in raising awareness towards any mental illness and reducing any kind of stigma. I want people to be fully aware that 1) they should never be ashamed, it makes you who you are in which many people love you and wouldn’t change you for the world and 2) you’re never alone, there’s so many other people out there looking and searching for the exact same support and comfort. Well, I want to raise awareness for something my wonderful best friend has been fighting for many years and I cannot express how god damn proud I am. To hear to words that she finally feels happy, in which she only said a few days ago is like complete joy and excitement to my ears.

Chloe has suffered with the awful mental illness Trichotillomania, a mental illness where a person has a need and impulse to pull their hair out as well as eyelashes and eyebrows. It’s often due to stresses, depression and anxiety however it becomes a addictive and extremely controlling and watching someone be so traumatized by it for so many years is devastating. This illness can cause so many medical issues, such as being blinded and it also impacts on your confidence and increases isolation and social skills. It can lead to frustration and embarrassment in social aspects of life, and involve many restrictions.

I’ve always wanted Beard to know she is not alone and being on this journey and watching her slowly but surely start to overcome these challenges has been outstanding. It will always be a trouble in her life, just like all mental illnesses are in any case however we can clearly see there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just like me and Anorexia there is always that evil side of you that wants to turn back, it being part of you life for so long these addictions become close friends however with the right love and support we can prove that together we can fight anything. It’s true that these addictions become a coping mechanism, so reach out, don’t be scared to talk about it even if it’s just building up that trust with one person like Chloe did with me. We may have just helped save each other lives and happiness.

If you ever want to contact me or Chloe with advice, support or questions, feel free to e-mail us;

Hollie – holllie54321d@hotmail.co.uk

Chloe – chloebeard1998@gmail.com

Chloe has also recently took the big step in talking about her mental illness and has actually launched a blog herself – http://justcallmebeardy.wordpress.com/

If you could hop over there and send all your love, support and huggles like I know you all will do, Id be so grateful.

Sending love and sparkles to all you little fighters out there.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

A New Me, A New Goal, A New Life

Hello Sweet Peas,

I get many, many questions regarding my recovery, healthy eating/lifestyle and fitness. I receive questions from ‘how do you stay motivated?’ to ‘do you ever treat yourself?’ to ‘how do I get into fitness after recovering?’ to ‘what exercises do you do?’ and so on and so on. So I thought in help of many recovering Anorexics and people generally interested in health or getting a little fitter, I’d write a post on my new take on life and my opinion and few (hopefully) helpful tips.

Firstly, I want to state how recently I’ve taken a full and extremely difficult change in my life. I decided to recover from Anorexia for good. A month ago I finally decided I’d had enough and went ahead in seeing a Personal Trainer, he weighed me and took my body fat and measurements, and I can tell you now that’s when everything hit home. I was actually at way more risk than I had wanted to believe and I’ve now decided that things have to change. For so long people have asked me ‘How do you stay so healthy?’ and ‘How are you so thin?’ – well let me tell you what I have been doing is far from healthy. Tiny portions, skipping meals, eating a salad for every meal and even saying the word ‘chocolate’ is a sin, is beyond and way past the points of being ‘healthy’. It’s actually just as unhealthy s eating 10 Big Mac’s. It’s not brilliant ‘will power’ or something in which you should be jealous of.

So you may ask, ‘ What’s healthy?’, well let me tell you… Being healthy is knowing you are happy with what you’re doing. Balanced meals, exercise, treating yourself and knowing when to relax. Being healthy is being able to think about your own well being and knowing you are in control. Healthy is when your body is working and functioning the way it should be and you shouldn’t even have to worry about the fact you missed a workout or had that piece of chocolate. Healthy is learning to love yourself.

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Bringing fitness back into my life and how I’ve approached it?

I get asked many questions for other recovering Anorexic’s about how you loose the Eating Disordered thinking when exercising, which I can admit still haunts me however I do have a few tips. Firstly, do what you love. – I’ve recently began weight lifting and training and I couldn’t express anymore how much I enjoy and love it however I don’t do it because my eating disorder wants to, I do it because I want to. I adore the way it makes me feel and and power it gives me in terms of control. Secondly and this is to anyone interested in fitness and getting toned,  don’t be feared of weights, they’ve helped change my mind set completely – so much I do literally about 15 minutes cardio a week now. I do obviously want to get back into cardio as I love to run and cardio such as HIIT (high intensity interval training) along with weight lifting is brilliant, however when gaining weight and building muscle it’s best to cancel it down as much as possible. Weights and weight training helps build muscle, kit you fit, toned and healthy – and more muscle actually burns more fat.

How much do you train?

I now train in the gym twice a week working lower body and then upper and twice a week at home training Abs – that’s it. So in total 4/5 times a week, depending how I feel. I do 1 hour sessions in the gym and then 15/30 minutes at home, along with daily stretching and yoga. (I may do a separate post on what my workouts consist of, just let me know)

Also the less and less cardio I’ve gotten used to the better my mind set has gotten, again because lifting weights gives me the feelings of strength and control. I have no doubt that running will one day give me that feeling again as I miss it greatly and as I stated it’s about doing what you find happiness and joy in doing however I’ve never felt so powerful as person.

How do you keep your abs toned/How do you train them?

I have a few points to make abo0ut this. I just want to state how at the moment, due to eating more and setting on a new meal plan my abs and stomach have started to become none existent however I’ve learned it’s patience, I have to trust my body again. The first things to get into your head – no one ever on the planet has a lean, viable and flat stomach 24/7. Even the greatest fitness competitors wish they did. Once you accept that you can make a few changes. The next thing to realize is when it comes to Abs and as I’m sure you’ve heard many times before, it’s 80% nutrition and what you eat and 20% exercise. Have a balanced, healthy diet along with exercise and you can’t go wrong. One thing people approach wrongly about training your core and abs is the amount of time you do it and how much you do, me myself being one of these people.

Lets get one thing straight the whole of your core are muscles just like your legs, glutes, arms, back, shoulders, chest ect. They shouldn’t be over trained, just like these muscles shouldn’t. A days rest from each and every muscle is always needed. I foolishly got into the obsession of training my abs every day, which again isn’t healthy, it just leads to over training meaning no actual progress at all. You’re best to plan your ab workouts out throughout the rest of your exercise plan, I now train abs on Mondays and Thursdays/Fridays, along with core strengthening yoga.

I do however only train them for only 15/20 minutes maximum, purely because during weight lifting and training other parts of your body with out realising you’re constantly engaging your core. You’d be surprised with how much you use the little buggers.

One last point is don’t get too caught up on the same routine and exercises. Always try and change things a little whether it be reps or the workout because otherwise your muscles simply become used to and comfortable with what you’re doing – Meaning no progress.

How do you eat healthy?

The amount I get asked on how to stay healthy by people my age around, I actually couldn’t count on my fingers and my toes. It isn’t about how I eat healthy because there isn’t really a how to it, I eat healthy simply because I love eating healthy. I enjoy the way it makes me feel afterwards and knowing I am filling my body with goodness and nutrition. Call me boring but I’d rather have a healthy balanced meal than a bar of chocolate any day, sorry.

Now obviously due to my new fitness plan I’ve been given a new meal plan, consisting of lots of protein, healthy fats, good carbs and lots of veg. I may do a separate post of nutrition when I’m a bit further on into it however since starting this new meal plan I’ve discovered a whole new level of energy. My biggest tip I could ever give you is never, ever cut out any food group 0 they are ALL vital for growth, health and fitness.

Doesn’t it take ages to make your meals?

Meal prep! I can’t stress enough how that’s they key and no, it doesn’t take very long in the slightest. I usually make enough rice, chicken, salad or veg for at least the next three days, pop it all in a few boxes and you’re done – 20 minutes out your day. Or if you’re making a meal at night that can be used for lunch the next day simply make extra.

Do you ever treat yourself?

For the past year Anorexia has played a huge issue in my life and I actually cut out all maybe what you’d consider as ‘treats’. On my new meal plan I have a treat day on a Saturday, which I have been trying. I would never ever suggest cutting out the things in which you love such as chocolate, ice cream and cake… or whatever it may be. They’re way too good to ever miss. Plus being healthy all the time, as I have state is simply unhealthy.

How do you deal with bad days?

I can admit that at the moment things are tough, I mean my body is learning to trust me again right? and reacting in all sorts of ways. I guess, this would be the halt to all chances of recovering yet I’ve never been more determined. I deal with it in many ways;

  • “Believe the facts not the mirror” – I have this quote pinned up on my mirror because sadly the mirror is the biggest liar of them all. The facts and measurements show completely different than what my head tells me. You have to trust the people around you, it’s all you can do.
  • Write a list of my goals – remembering why life is so much better when being healthy and happy is such an importance. I love to write a big long, colorful list remembering why I should never fall back.
  • Talk to people. I’ve struggled for so many years in talking about the way I feel about myself/food however I’m finding it a little easier and believe it or not it helps. It helps to just let everything go.
  • Sadly the last point is just through sever determination. I recently found this photo, and I think it sums it up wonderfully.

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I hope this helped you a little and gave you a tiny insight into my new approach to life. I have created so many goals to reach and in 6 months time I plan things to be so different. No more being unhealthy and unhappy, it’s never too late to change.

I just want to also add how much I’m thankful for everyone’s support especially my personal trainer, he’s been so bloody wonderful and I couldn’t be doing this without him.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Anxiety – You aren’t alone

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have quite a few Autumn/Christmas Fashion and beauty posts waiting in anticipation, I know I know, please do contain your excitement. However this Friday – 10th October it’s World Mental Health Day, so I thought I’d do a quick little post on a topic I’ve been wanting to express for a while.

As you’ve more than likely figured already I want to talk a little bit about anxiety and panic attacks, as without realization it’s something in which a huge number of people suffer with day in and day out. I hope in expressing my feelings and thoughts towards it, I can try and raise a little bit of awareness and assure people that they really aren’t alone.

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I’ve never really expressed my dealings with anxiety as over the years I’ve overcome it massively and have discovered so many ways and techniques in coping and surviving each day. It has taken a hell lot of work and something I’ll continue to do but I want to show just how you can learn to deal with these anxious thoughts and worries and how despite what you may think you aren’t the only one.

For a long period of time panic attacks were a daily struggle for me and in which a lot of the time no one was aware of, even myself wasn’t aware that what I was suffering with was panic attacks. They’d rise up whenever and wherever they wanted, usually in corridors in school, tight busy shops or when I got out of the shower bizarrely. Although, they can happen just about anywhere and let me tell you they aren’t fun. I’ll give you a tiny insight… Basically you feel like you’re dying for a split second, haha. Usually feeling dizzy, feeling sick, light headed, and blacking out often occur and that tightness in your chest they causes the over breathing. They’re a complete build up of fear, excitement, and emotions. For myself it often feels like my head is about to explode, causing me to simply panic more. I often feel like the whole world is caving in around me and there is simply nothing in the world that will stop it but of course we know that’s not quite frankly true because there are ways of over coming and coping with these attacks.

My Own Coping Techniques

  • Focus on breathing – I know this probably sounds way to obvious but in the case of a panic sorting out your breathing is pretty much vital. Slow deep breathing and allowing yourself to calm.
  • Getting away from the situation – I like to go straight outside or simply moving away from the place I’ve panicked in.
  • Being with someone – many people actually would rather not have any communication from anyone as it simply causes more anxiety and panic however one of my biggest preventatives is to actually go and find a friend or family member and allow them to be aware of how I’m feeling.
  • Counting – counting strangely helps me deal with calming down, as it gives me a completely different focus.
  • Lying down – I have a a dizziness issue, so sometimes lying down and again focusing on breathing techniques can help and awful lot
  • Drinking water – this helps with any dizziness and feeling sick

Dealing with the thoughts…

However despite the panic attacks, I think it’s unaware of the huge issue simply anxiety plays along with this, the build up. I firstly want to express how a little anxiety and worry is normal and healthy, without it we would be completely reckless human beings with not a care in the world however when it interferes with every aspect and decision then driving you insane… that’s not so healthy. Again for a long, long time day in day out and still some days anxiety and it’s evil thoughts control my life, decisions and relationships. I can recall it getting to the point I was petrified of leaving the house simply because the possibility of being watched, followed or involved in a car crash ect. I became so obsessed and anxious over every bad aspect in life, which of course isn’t the way to live. Not only that but I become incredibly paranoid of those around me, assuming someone I’d never seen in my entire life hated every inch of me. I could hear my voice being screamed and felt as if I was out numbered in a crowded room, each one of them targeting me. I would stop socializing, talking, touching and even acknowledging other people.  That constant ticking, irritating voice constantly giving you a friendly reminder of the unknown, which in the reasonable mind we know is ridiculous.

What if the unknown is equally as amazing?

That’s what I’ve grown to learn, that as humans we instantly jump to the conclusion that everything ahead of us could turn to disaster, this means we forget there and equal (even bigger) chance things could hold great wonders. Another great thing I’ve adjusted to through Anxiety and Anorexia is CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy), which I would certainly recommended for various mental health issues. It’s  type of therapy that looking into retraining the brains thinking patterns and thoughts in this it allows you to deal with problems or issues in your life a lot easier. Of course it doesn’t remove the problems, it does however allow you to see things in a much more positive light.

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I now take each day as it comes and as soon as that little negative voice chips in, I fight back with the positive one. I’ve discovered that when I’m panicking over what the world sees me as – they are more than likely doing the same thing. I’ve also figured out that the future cannot be changed and neither can the past, so dwelling and worrying is never the answer. Lastly, I was you to remember no matter how much you refuse to believe it – there is always a positive to every thought, situation and feeling.

A Little Thought – Facing the Fear

Within my CBT I learned a very valuable lesson that I use in every anxiety flooding situation;

Imagine a spider, big, hairy and scary and what’s worse? You have the biggest fear of spiders.

No one else is there to get rid of the spider, meaning you have two choices; 1. Leave the spider to sit there, leaving you aware of it’s presence, keeping the fear keeping the anxiety bubbling OR 2. Feel the Fear and do it anyway, the anxiety shall be there yes, however imagine it in waves. Once you’ve faced the fear of grabbing the spider the anxiety level shall fall back down because it’s over – you realize it simply wasn’t as bad as you first thought.

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When you have to face this fear again, the fear simply won’t be as strong because on the waves on anxiety each time you face it, it’ll become lower and lower and easier and easier.

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“But, what started the panic attack? Why were you anxious?”

Oh the one question that actually drives me insane! Yes, I know that somewhere down the deep, dark routes of your brain there shall always be a reason behind anxiety/attacks however sometimes you simply just don’t know! It’s quite frankly the worst when you have that anxious feeling in your stomach and the distant sense that something just quite isn’t right. I’d like to express how it’s perfectly fine to not know why you’re feeling this way, or to be completely unaware of the reasoning behind the attack.

It’s just extremely important to understand you aren’t alone. I also want you to know that, it’s 100% possibly to begin to control anxiety and panic attacks and that you are not doomed for your whole life.

526cfb5345e2c53bf5b1067ba6411a42Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Conflictation

Hello Sweet Peas,

I’m feeling extremely positive today and everything seems to be on the up. So firstly if you just happen to be having an awful hour or one of them days where only the bed seems appealing, I want you to stop for a second and smile. Take a huge breath and remember the world around you is still turning and you are still living and tomorrow is a brand new fresh day. Make the most of it! Do something new and exciting, do something that scares you or something full of spontaneity.

I was stuck in what to base today’s blog post around so, I thought I’d share a little poem with you as recently I’ve been writing more and more poetry and really seem to enjoy it.

Conflicted Thoughts

I don’t want to be caught
In a vagueness of my own insecure haze,
When I grow and my veins purposely entwine,
Logically older and minding fault.

I refuse to continue in the threatening hope,
That miracle shall fall upon,
That I am a specialist,
When I fall down to nothing, in the simple act of breathing.

Humanity overwhelms me.
Steps,
Walks,
Breaths,
Sound,
Forcefully supply me with and average sense of normality, I endlessly refuse to aspire.

You refuse to believe the demons I hold, Believing I’m a saint with no fault,
Do you feel the deceiving pierce?
When the world sees you with purity?
And you know you are scolded with blinded ashes at the core,

Endlessly attempting to accept emotion
That seethes from all,
Yet you prefer the opposite,
You don’t expect clarity, Love, Want,
Only ever craving its persuasions.

Pushing slowly to dismiss the truth,
You fail to control.
I’ll control each particle,
I place through the lips claiming for admiration,
The normal act upon us all day to day,
Finger tips to mouth.

I’ll control the purpose and meaning you have in each hour, because I can.
Protection.
Stopping the hurt you’ll supply me with.

Humanity does this,
Its dishonest perceptions,
And humans? We act it best.

That’s why I am fragile yet as cold as sharp icicles, Coming on the world’s tragic end.
You cannot come close,
I do not believe,
So I strike and melt and fade,
So you no longer have to observe my obsessive ‘phase’

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

What you really are

You’re the gleaming sunlight,
Through the half discovered window,
Upon the hazy summer morning.

You’re the glimpse beyond his lustful eyes,
When he observes and admires,
The beauty her smile unconfidently holds.

You’re the worth of words of wonder,
As when the little girl you once were,
Cherished her parents every movement.

You’re the genuine laughter,
That sparks right beneath your belly,
Leaving your muscles aching from joy not forced upon.

You’re the glamorous little black dress,
You use to protest your edges,
Your curves,
Reflecting your beauty for hindering eyes.

You are allowed to float through happiness,
Life’s natural features,
That are supplied around you in and out.

The fooling of the haze,
Should not blind the glimmer of hope,
Into that the smile isn’t worthy and the laughter not quite loud enough.

A little “pick me up”

Hello Sweet Peas,

Oh heck it’s been a while, I’ve missed my blogging but I’m back don’t worry too much…

Anyway, what the hell has happened to summer?! I’m currently sat here back into my jeans, slipper socks and over sized hoodie attempting to to allow my body to feel the warmth again. I even resorted in getting the old parka out of the back of my wardrobe on my shopping trip the other day… yes I was that cold or my body just simply refuses sudden weather change. I can’t lie though I did enjoy starting the winter shop, baggy jumpers and huge scarfs, yes please! On that note, yes you heard right once again I had one of my fabby shopping trips, of course only meaning a haul very very soon!

However today I feel as if due to this now gloomy weather we are all in need of one of Hollie’s little inspirational ‘pick me ups’ of course. Well I know I do and a complete ‘sluggish’ feeling is most certainly hazing over me.

I’ve trying my complete hardest everyday to stay as positive as I can recently and one of the little sayings that is helping me strive through is;

“Storms make trees take deeper roots”

I’ve been meaning to share this for a while now because I absolutely love it and lately speaks a whole lot of truth. There are many times I’m coming to face that the whole world around me appears to blow up into a complete whirl wind. Like a dark cloud is hovering over day to day, as a storm kindly brews. Of course through a storm the trees have to take their hold or they’re simply blown down indicating that they take deep roots. It’s like that for ourselves – our storms, our mistakes and experiences can only make us stronger because as humans we set in ambition to make our mark on the planet. We aren’t made or placed upon the Earth the to just ‘give up’ because I believe the universe simply doesn’t work that way.

I want to believe that each struggle that I am faced with It’ll only impact on my drive towards my aspirations in life. They will continue to provide me with the drive to carry on striving for everything I want.

So, if today seems gloomy or you’re having a little rough patch, look in the mirror and confirm with yourself that this will soon pass and when it does? you shall be a hell lot stronger. You’ll be able to face your day straight on with the need and want to live.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Something a lil different

Hello Sweet Peas,

I thought I’d dive in with something a little different today because despite my love for my fashion and day to day posts I’m still shamefully a writer and take into account I write anything and everything. One thing I do admire is poetry, yet I usually keep this quiet and share with no one, it’s top secret 😉 However I could go on and on about the stigma towards poetry and in what people perceive it to be. Poetry is practically everywhere songs, speeches, lists, even to the little things you jot down thinking they fail to mean anything and yet we fail to realize it because most idiots think it’s on the lines of “the lazy cat spent his whole day on the mat” (I know that’s an awful example but you get my point okay!…)

Anyway, lately I’ve been reflecting an awful lot and trying to grasp my head around so many different aspects of my life, which only means one thing – I write an awful lots of thoughts and poetry if you like. So I thought I’d pluck up the courage to search for something I could share with you all. (Plus it changes up the blog a bit ey?) Enjoy.

If acceptance is all that is left,

then I shall,

I shall grasp it with both worn shaken hands,

until they cannot possibly connect anymore.

 

Palms shall only burn,

As I have discovered on my paths the hard way,

that this is a ‘cruel to be kind’ matter –

a state that can only be undone through the given strength of determination.

 

It shall fall upon me,

the day a reflection ends all control towards my dis-formed mind.

I shall float down the winding street, with not even a reassuring check,

from the shoppers windows that once suffocated me.

 

Looking,

there should be no need for your fragile fingertips

to disgustingly grasp

the itty gritty parts in which you have self taught in hating.

 

You deserve sparkles of more than falling tears,

more than screaming echo’s,

which appear due to your thighs size

in the pinching of your own skin.

 

In’s and outs, ups and downs from a souls and enlightenment of fires,

fires we should accept the warmth within,

not fights that continuously burn deep,

leaving it’s blinding ashes behind scattered to haunt us.

 

It is taught to embrace ones beauty,

yet involving a voice in which contemplates,

the hazed lines between lies,

and the truth.

 

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

 

 

 

Personal style expresses you

Imagine a world where everyone wore the same clothes and bought the same items and expressed the same accessories. Oh what a boring old world we would live in. Liking the same, being the same and acting the same all sounds unbelievably dull to me. Sadly that is what half of the world follows by which is why I love the whole idea of personal style! Creating something entirely through your expression and imagination.

You can create and express your style and self in any way you wish through the development of your feelings, thoughts, aspirations, interests, past and future. It’s yours to alter and pick and mix in any  way you fancy and a brilliant way in expressing your individuality. Style is incredibly different to fashion I believe as style allows you to follow through and create yourself through your personality – 

 

Style-is-very-Personal

Hello Sweet Peas,

I’ve wanted to talk about this topic for quite a while now, yet I’ve been stuck as in what to case it around – Do I give advice? inspiration? talk about style in general? talk about my style? I’ve kind of been stuck as where to take it. Yet today I am simply letting my fingers type away anything they please because I think it’s about time leaked out how much I adore expressing myself through the wonders of my style and wardrobe.

Style = individuality – I have always believed this. It’s like a journey of who you are and what you become over time and knowing you feel good and confident in what you wear. Personally over time I’ve realized what suits me and what doesn’t, what I feel happy and confident in and what I don’t

I think it’s also important to remember it isn’t about getting it right every single time, I mean I have days where I look back on a outfit and think “What the bloody hell were you thinking leaving the house like that Hollie?!” but that’s what makes it yours. You have to start by knowing you don’t need a certain look to look good and feel good, you have to look into what expresses you and what you feel like right at that moment in time.

‘Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.’ – Coco Chanel
‘Don’t be into trends. Don’t make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way you live.’ – Gianni Versace
Over time I like to believe I’ve developed and discovered my own personal style and use clothes as a way to show whom I am and boost confidence. If you look good, you feel good right?
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These are a few of the outfits I’ve been loving lately.
You’ve probably noticed I’m one for plain a simple yet classy statement in which I can layer and add together in creating something more. I love my simple colors, of course the good old black in which you can match with absolutely anything and it make you look fabulous, it’s the ultimate safe color in my eyes. I’ve also been including white a lot and I love the fresh clash it has with black and along with grey. I feel like if you begin and outfit with either of these three colors you can add anything to it and create it as you wish. I love adding the odd bright color in there also, such as both of the wonderful shorts in which for me were very daring may I add but hey it’s about wearing what you want right?
I think over time that is what it is important to realize – if you like something, look good in it and want to wear it  then bloody god damn wear it and if you don’t like it but are wearing it to simply ‘fit in’ then I suggest you get rid right now. Not every item and style of clothing is going to suit you which is why you have to discover what makes you look most outstanding and comfortable and once you’ve done that I think you are good to go. Which Is why I think it’s also extra important every wardrobe had at least one super pair of jeans you feel your arse looks amazing in and simple tops and jumpers in which you can layer and and simple or bright statements to. Also a good winter coat and boots which you can pair with absolutely anything are major wardrobe essentials. Or maybe you’re one for 100 pair of killer heels and bright colored dresses whatever floats you boat.
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Of course I think despite being along the journey or expressing who you are it’s healthy and exciting to have style icons and alter your own take on other peoples style. on the daunting bad days where everything you put on you makes your bum look to big or your hips too wide and your imagination is down the drain, sometimes it’s handy just to have to odd blog or insta outfit to have a gander at. Some of my biggest style inspirations are;
1. Marina Diamandis – You all know by now she is like my biggest inspiration and yes in the land of style she is also because I literally adore everything she wears and puts together. She’s extremely expressive, classy and quirky through her clothes, make up and hair.
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2. Ellie Golding – I absolutely love the edgier style Ellie has, she wear a lot of blacks and white like myself and I feel everything she wears despite being simple really strikes out.
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And lastly I want to mention one of my favorite YouTubers/instagram/fashion blogger – TheBeautyCrush
If I’m ever having a bad style, make up or hair day I only have to watch one of her videos or check her insta and it’s completely vanished. He style is beyond simple, sleek and classy and I adore it and her!
Make sure to check Sammi out –
Just remember be what you want and wear what you want most importantly enjoy it. Enjoy creating your own wonders.
Speak soon,
Holl xxx

The beach is my second home

Hello sweet peas,

I’m here to share another one of my lovely family days out with you and to the place I consider home (I’ve always aspired to be a mermaid, secretly) yes you guessed, the beach!

Anywhere where there is sand and a calming sea to satisfy all my thoughts away pleases me greatly.

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Me, mumma, Ella, Nana and my uncle all decided a family day out to chill out at the beach was needed, as we are all indeed great lovers of the sunshine. We don’t live too far away luckily, so after only a 1 and half hour drive we finally arrived and quite quickly set up for a wonderful lazy day with a beautifully clear sky and sea. I’m also the worlds biggest book worm so of course I had to bring a fabby read with me, I bought “One Day”, I’ve just started reading this book as I absolutely adored the film. It is taking me a bit to get into but so far I’m actually really enjoying getting to read and experience parts they couldn’t show in the film.

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I also loved spending time with my little sister because oh boy the busy life of that one 12 year old astonishes me. I never ever see her anymore. Never the less we shall always be incredibly close and it was such a lovely thing to be able to have a catch up and a good old sing on the way (me and my sister jamming to frozen is always one of my happiest things in life) I actually love being able to watch my sister grow into a young woman and I cherish in being her older sister, in hoping she looks up to me, that would be wonderful.

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The ability just to escape reality and enjoy a day away from the daily tasks and aspects of life is so great when you spend the day with your toes in the sand. “Life at the beach it better” as I always say, almost as if looking right down at the sea beyond all them miles – you’re free.

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I also conquered one of my biggest fears that day and felt extreme achievements – for the first time in 3 years I faced having an ice cream and out in public. It was most certainly one of the scariest things I’ve done, yet another step forward to a happier and healthier life. I don’t want to be deprived from the tiniest pleasures in life and I’m working on it. It just takes a hell lot of will power and determination with a dash of stubbornness – and if you know me you shall be very aware or my stubbornness…

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Happiness is so much more important than stresses, worries and fears in life and I want you all to remember this, day in day out.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx