Christmas sparkle has begun….

Hello Sweet Pea’s!

It’s December! Finally! And yes, as you can most likely guess I’m already squealing in my seat at the fact Christmas day is now only 24 days away (even if I did start hitting the Christmas playlists at the end of September…)

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And yes, in the old Murray house hold, the Christmas tree has sprung up and the festiveness has taken over our house, and I absolutely love it. I am simply not ashamed to say that when it comes to Christmas I most certainly turn into the world biggest child because yes the Disney Princess touch was my doing…

Yesterday was so lovely getting into the swing of things. Me and Mumma had the Christmas playlist happily blasting while we sang along, dancing around the front room. Once managing to finally build the tree and having to go on the search for new lights (I swear we loose them every year!!) we were able to resort to the decorations and decorate the tree, something we never fail to do together. I love looking at all the little memories over the years, even back to my very first Christmas decoration, it reminds me of how much I am actually loved and how lucky I am to have the family around me that I do.

And of course whats December without having a little chocolate every day?! No matter how old an advent calendar is most certainly needed and you really cannot beat good old Cadbury’s.

I cannot wait for all the Christmassy things that come alone with December – Big scarfs and cosy slippers, big blankets and Christmas films, mince pies and hot chocolate and of course lots of Christmas shopping. And well, my Birthday 😉

What are your favorite things about Christmas? I’d love to know.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

 

The dreaded ‘F’ word

Do you really know what a feminist looks like?

Maybe I’m a feminist. Maybe you’re a feminist, who knows? How would you know? That word, the dreaded F word has caused such tedious stigma for quite some time. A stigma that disgusts me. As a society we’ve given feminism one of the worst connotations. The debate towards claiming your husbands last name, reducing rape numbers or the role of female superheros floods our mouths and minds as we explore the feminist world.

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As soon as you even hear the word feminist you more than likely force your minds into imagining some man-hating,angry, undersexed woman with hairs sprouting from her armpits and beavers growing on her legs. A woman that would instantly burn you alive at even suggesting she should put you together a delicious bacon sandwich. You probably sit there thinking how much you want to tell these called feminist bitches to ‘quit cryin.’ Well let’s have a reality check because honey you’re living in the wrong century.

Let’s get one thing straight without the label ‘feminist’ the bottom end of it is simply, equal rights, equal chances, equal opportunities. Not just for women however every single human being. I feel it’s an opportunity for a stance in empowering men and women to break certain gender roles.  And why would you be that ignorant in disagreeing we all deserve a chance, is equality that inadequate to you?

‘I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there’s on thing I know for certain, this has to stop.’ – Emma Watson

I adore this quote because of the amount of truth is provides. The way many people view feminism is simply down hatred and anger, is this really the way we should be displaying equal opportunities to our younger generations? Rather than the word being taboo, we should acknowledge feminism in a positive concept to progress humans in many ways. I think rather than creating this label upon women, we should be proud and stand forth in and to show confidence and independence in what we believe. If you’re a women that cannot bring herself to the thought of doing and cringe at the thought, then I hand you my disgust.

What causes my skin the crawl most and my blood to boil is the sense we’ve created that to be a feminist you have to portray yourself in some certain manner. For one it doesn’t matter at all if you are male, female, old, young, gay, straight, English or American. Whoever you may be if you consider each and every individual to have a right politically, economically, or socially,  you’re a feminist.

And yes! You heard right you can be male and be a ‘feminist’ without it having to send you down the daunting road of less masculinity. As I said we aren’t out to murder you with like feminist witches however this is just another expectation and connotation, a pathetic one if that. There are many males who have claimed to be feminist recently; Prince Harry and Joseph Gordon- Levitt and there is no shame at all in them doing so. I believe that truly portrays what the whole subject is about – standing up for what you believe.

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Honestly I don’t quite understand the huge deal towards feminism. I say you break the rules a little, go on stand out your comfort zone. I’m a feminist and proud.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Boo Hoo and Misguided Winter Wish List

Hello Sweet Peas,

*Ques Christmas music and excited squeals*

Eeeee yes you know it, Christmas is just around the corner and now Halloween is done and dusted the whole world is turning to good old Christmas spirit. I’m literally counting down the days now till it’s acceptable to put the Christmas tree up and dive into the Christmas chocolates… aka 1st of December I become a huge kid over advent calenders!

I absolutely adore the Christmas season, warm hot chocolates, Christmas music and films, and all the pretty lights please me massively. This year I’m especially looking forward to Christmas events around the season and one of my my most favorite parts is the outfits you can perfectly create. So, I’ve been absolutely loving BooHoo and Misguided lately and they have some gorgeous pieces waiting and screaming for me to buy them.  I’ve attempted in depressing myself in all the never ending lists of clothes I love and need…

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1. Caroline Long Sleeve Mesh Top – I struggle in finding the perfect long sleeve tops during the winter however sometimes I find myself just needing something quick to slip on  and still look flattering. I absolutely adore the mesh back on this with the Khaki, I honestly think it works so well to dress up or down.

2. Lauren Cross Back Check Print Play suit –  I absolutely adore this little number and having a few little Christmas parties on the way, I think it would world absolute wonders.

3. Eva Merry Christmas Ya filthy animal jumper –  Of course everyone needs a good old Christmas jumper and I’ve seen this one multiple times now and desperately need it.

4. Ebba Heart Elbow Patch Boyfriend Cardigan – Another perfect winter essential is big cozy cardigans and I can express that I am most certainly in need of one. I have really fell in love with this and the heart patches on the elbows finish it off, with extra cuteness.

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1. Celine Teddy Faux Fur Coat – I’m always on the hunt for winter coats and I do love my beloved parka however I saw a girl in something similar to this the other day and literally fell in love. It’s perfect to dress up or down and looks incredibly snug. Lets pray this is placed in the January sales ey…

2. Cheyanne Velvet Strappy Midi Dress – Now this perfect little piece is ideal to get you into that classy Christmas spirit… Bring on the Christmas parties!!!

3. Ivy Mermaid Sequin Long Sleeve Mini Dress – I’m loving the dresses at the moment and have seen so many of these beautiful sequin dresses which I think are perfect for Christmas

4. Ayvan Slash Neck Knitted Dress – I think this is perfect to add something slightly different to your daily look, with a pair of tights and cute boots and knitted dress is perfect.

5. Nicole X Sequin Midi Skirt – I absolutely love Nicole’s range on Missguided and if I could I would have absolutely everything she models however this skirt I’ve been eying up for so long. Sequins, Sparkles and black… it’s basically me summed up in a skirt!

6. Lara Faux Leather Front Split Midi Skirt – Another item on the skirt hype is this little beauty, I just adore the leather look recently and feel this would look amazing for Christmas paired with the burgundy or red crop.

7. Argona Strappy Mesh Detail Jumpsuit – I really love jumpsuits and on the right person they look amazing! For ages I’ve really wanted a classy, sophisticated one with the flared legs. I think again it’s perfect for a party, night out or Christmas meal.

8. Riley Floral Print Boyfriend Shirt – Last but not least I’m a sucker for shirts at the moment and the detail and pattern on this shirt is beautiful. I feel it would work so well with leather look trousers or black skinny’s.

So there you go there’s my little list of winter wonders… Now I’ll go silent cry at the price list.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Daily Face

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have a little bit of a different post today. One question I actually get asked a lot is what make-up I use on a daily basis, so I thought i’d give you little insight into the products I usually use for the day to day things and looks.

 

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The products I use are one I use to usually create a natural looking look;

  • Big Easy Complexion Perfecter by Benefit – £27.50 – I absolutely love using this Cream as an alternative to foundation, it;s much lighter yet still gives your base a full and perfect coverage. However in drastic times when I cannot afford this little beauty or sometimes along side of it I love Rimmels BB cream – £9.50 
  • Hide the Blemish concealer Rimmel – £3.99 –  I’ve used this concealer for so long now and as I usually get blemishes or spots upon my cheeks in works like a dream.
  • Stay Matte Compact Powder Rimmel – £ 3.99 – I think near enough everyone has come across this compact powder and it shall always stay up there up in my favorites. I think I must have purchased around 10 of these now… opps.
  • Bourjois Délice de Soleil Bronzing Powder – £8.99 – I love using this bronzer along with the compact powder, I feel they help even out my skin tone and give a nice subtle glow.
  • HOOLA Bronzing Powder by Benefit – £23.50 – Despite it’s price this my be my all time favorite bronzing powder, it’s absolutely wonderful for using across cheek bones and your forehead to create great complexion or sweep all over for a complete sun kissed glow.
  • Benefit Brow Zings Brow Shaping Kit- £19.50 – And here we have the biggest essential in my make up collection, the brow kit and my god I worship this brow kit. If you know me you’ll know that I literally carry it around everywhere with me and if I were to be stranded on island with only three possessions, this would be in the list… Trust me if you’re a brow lover, this is the kit for you.
  • The Estee Lauder Eye Pallet I use is actually one they don’t sell anymore however they do sell a new pallet called Pure Color Envy, which have a variety of different shades including nude ones very similar to the ones I use.
  • They’re Real by Benefit – £19.50 – I use this mascara nearly everyday and basically the fact it’s the UK’s number 1 best selling mascara speaks for itself.
  • Supercat Black Eyeliner Pen by Soap and Glory – £6.00- Finding a liquid liner that applied in the felt tip style took me ages to find, as after not long they all started to fade way too quickly however when i discovered this little beauty, I never looked back. It honestly create the most perfect black cat flick.
  • Eye Bright Pencil by Benefit – £15.50 – I’ve been using this eye brightening pencil for over a year now and I can confirm it’s truly a life saver. I use it out the inner and outer corners of my eyes in allowing it to brighten and give me that more wide awake effect.
  • Watt’s Up highlighter – £24.50 – Again a tad on the pricey side, yet for the past year now I’ve had the same one and it’s still going strong, and oh my I absolutely love it! This highlighter works perfectly on cheek and brow bones for highlighting the certain features you want in such a subtle and natural way.

So that’s it, on a day to day basis this is all I use. It does a vary slightly obviously depending on how I’m feeling (or the money in my bank…)

If you fancy anymore posts like this be sure to let me know,

Holl xxx

 

A New Me, A New Goal, A New Life

Hello Sweet Peas,

I get many, many questions regarding my recovery, healthy eating/lifestyle and fitness. I receive questions from ‘how do you stay motivated?’ to ‘do you ever treat yourself?’ to ‘how do I get into fitness after recovering?’ to ‘what exercises do you do?’ and so on and so on. So I thought in help of many recovering Anorexics and people generally interested in health or getting a little fitter, I’d write a post on my new take on life and my opinion and few (hopefully) helpful tips.

Firstly, I want to state how recently I’ve taken a full and extremely difficult change in my life. I decided to recover from Anorexia for good. A month ago I finally decided I’d had enough and went ahead in seeing a Personal Trainer, he weighed me and took my body fat and measurements, and I can tell you now that’s when everything hit home. I was actually at way more risk than I had wanted to believe and I’ve now decided that things have to change. For so long people have asked me ‘How do you stay so healthy?’ and ‘How are you so thin?’ – well let me tell you what I have been doing is far from healthy. Tiny portions, skipping meals, eating a salad for every meal and even saying the word ‘chocolate’ is a sin, is beyond and way past the points of being ‘healthy’. It’s actually just as unhealthy s eating 10 Big Mac’s. It’s not brilliant ‘will power’ or something in which you should be jealous of.

So you may ask, ‘ What’s healthy?’, well let me tell you… Being healthy is knowing you are happy with what you’re doing. Balanced meals, exercise, treating yourself and knowing when to relax. Being healthy is being able to think about your own well being and knowing you are in control. Healthy is when your body is working and functioning the way it should be and you shouldn’t even have to worry about the fact you missed a workout or had that piece of chocolate. Healthy is learning to love yourself.

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Bringing fitness back into my life and how I’ve approached it?

I get asked many questions for other recovering Anorexic’s about how you loose the Eating Disordered thinking when exercising, which I can admit still haunts me however I do have a few tips. Firstly, do what you love. – I’ve recently began weight lifting and training and I couldn’t express anymore how much I enjoy and love it however I don’t do it because my eating disorder wants to, I do it because I want to. I adore the way it makes me feel and and power it gives me in terms of control. Secondly and this is to anyone interested in fitness and getting toned,  don’t be feared of weights, they’ve helped change my mind set completely – so much I do literally about 15 minutes cardio a week now. I do obviously want to get back into cardio as I love to run and cardio such as HIIT (high intensity interval training) along with weight lifting is brilliant, however when gaining weight and building muscle it’s best to cancel it down as much as possible. Weights and weight training helps build muscle, kit you fit, toned and healthy – and more muscle actually burns more fat.

How much do you train?

I now train in the gym twice a week working lower body and then upper and twice a week at home training Abs – that’s it. So in total 4/5 times a week, depending how I feel. I do 1 hour sessions in the gym and then 15/30 minutes at home, along with daily stretching and yoga. (I may do a separate post on what my workouts consist of, just let me know)

Also the less and less cardio I’ve gotten used to the better my mind set has gotten, again because lifting weights gives me the feelings of strength and control. I have no doubt that running will one day give me that feeling again as I miss it greatly and as I stated it’s about doing what you find happiness and joy in doing however I’ve never felt so powerful as person.

How do you keep your abs toned/How do you train them?

I have a few points to make abo0ut this. I just want to state how at the moment, due to eating more and setting on a new meal plan my abs and stomach have started to become none existent however I’ve learned it’s patience, I have to trust my body again. The first things to get into your head – no one ever on the planet has a lean, viable and flat stomach 24/7. Even the greatest fitness competitors wish they did. Once you accept that you can make a few changes. The next thing to realize is when it comes to Abs and as I’m sure you’ve heard many times before, it’s 80% nutrition and what you eat and 20% exercise. Have a balanced, healthy diet along with exercise and you can’t go wrong. One thing people approach wrongly about training your core and abs is the amount of time you do it and how much you do, me myself being one of these people.

Lets get one thing straight the whole of your core are muscles just like your legs, glutes, arms, back, shoulders, chest ect. They shouldn’t be over trained, just like these muscles shouldn’t. A days rest from each and every muscle is always needed. I foolishly got into the obsession of training my abs every day, which again isn’t healthy, it just leads to over training meaning no actual progress at all. You’re best to plan your ab workouts out throughout the rest of your exercise plan, I now train abs on Mondays and Thursdays/Fridays, along with core strengthening yoga.

I do however only train them for only 15/20 minutes maximum, purely because during weight lifting and training other parts of your body with out realising you’re constantly engaging your core. You’d be surprised with how much you use the little buggers.

One last point is don’t get too caught up on the same routine and exercises. Always try and change things a little whether it be reps or the workout because otherwise your muscles simply become used to and comfortable with what you’re doing – Meaning no progress.

How do you eat healthy?

The amount I get asked on how to stay healthy by people my age around, I actually couldn’t count on my fingers and my toes. It isn’t about how I eat healthy because there isn’t really a how to it, I eat healthy simply because I love eating healthy. I enjoy the way it makes me feel afterwards and knowing I am filling my body with goodness and nutrition. Call me boring but I’d rather have a healthy balanced meal than a bar of chocolate any day, sorry.

Now obviously due to my new fitness plan I’ve been given a new meal plan, consisting of lots of protein, healthy fats, good carbs and lots of veg. I may do a separate post of nutrition when I’m a bit further on into it however since starting this new meal plan I’ve discovered a whole new level of energy. My biggest tip I could ever give you is never, ever cut out any food group 0 they are ALL vital for growth, health and fitness.

Doesn’t it take ages to make your meals?

Meal prep! I can’t stress enough how that’s they key and no, it doesn’t take very long in the slightest. I usually make enough rice, chicken, salad or veg for at least the next three days, pop it all in a few boxes and you’re done – 20 minutes out your day. Or if you’re making a meal at night that can be used for lunch the next day simply make extra.

Do you ever treat yourself?

For the past year Anorexia has played a huge issue in my life and I actually cut out all maybe what you’d consider as ‘treats’. On my new meal plan I have a treat day on a Saturday, which I have been trying. I would never ever suggest cutting out the things in which you love such as chocolate, ice cream and cake… or whatever it may be. They’re way too good to ever miss. Plus being healthy all the time, as I have state is simply unhealthy.

How do you deal with bad days?

I can admit that at the moment things are tough, I mean my body is learning to trust me again right? and reacting in all sorts of ways. I guess, this would be the halt to all chances of recovering yet I’ve never been more determined. I deal with it in many ways;

  • “Believe the facts not the mirror” – I have this quote pinned up on my mirror because sadly the mirror is the biggest liar of them all. The facts and measurements show completely different than what my head tells me. You have to trust the people around you, it’s all you can do.
  • Write a list of my goals – remembering why life is so much better when being healthy and happy is such an importance. I love to write a big long, colorful list remembering why I should never fall back.
  • Talk to people. I’ve struggled for so many years in talking about the way I feel about myself/food however I’m finding it a little easier and believe it or not it helps. It helps to just let everything go.
  • Sadly the last point is just through sever determination. I recently found this photo, and I think it sums it up wonderfully.

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I hope this helped you a little and gave you a tiny insight into my new approach to life. I have created so many goals to reach and in 6 months time I plan things to be so different. No more being unhealthy and unhappy, it’s never too late to change.

I just want to also add how much I’m thankful for everyone’s support especially my personal trainer, he’s been so bloody wonderful and I couldn’t be doing this without him.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

A Week in Photos (2)

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Hello Sweet Peas,

Gosh has a week really flown by already? I feel like time is going by way too quickly recently but hey here is a little bit in what I’ve been up to;

1. SHOES – Yes, I have come to the conclusion is is most certainly possible to fall in love with a pair of shoes because I ordered these beauties and couldn’t have been happier. I mean just look at them! So, I stated a new motto to my mum – “Shoes are better than humans, they never leave you,” hey, it’s pretty much true, haha.

2. Black Obsessions – I don’t think I’ll ever loose my love for black clothing, or the fact that winter is most certainly on it’s way and I despise the cold. I must add thought how much I love my knitted headband, It’s literally proved to be a life saver and I love it way too much (and works perfectly well on a bad hair day)

3. Details –  I love outfits that have the tiniest yet most effect of details, I think adding the simplest of things truly allows an outfit to transform and come together. I’m absolutely loving scarfs for layers at the moment also and on this day particular, I felt my outfit was simple yet satisfying.

4. Guinea Pig lovin’ – Here’s just two of the 7 Guinea pigs in our house, my sister’s Percy and my little Tiny Tim. I’ve spent most of the weekend cuddled up with the guinea pigs, and to be honest lately it’s my most favorite thing to do. Even if Tim is anything but like a Guinea pig and would rather climb up around my shoulders…

5. Tattoo Ideas- I plan to have two tattoos at Christmas, one being a little elephant in which I’ve wanted for so so long and the second I’ve been a little indecisive towards. I did however want something on the lines of recovery and Eating Disorders, and I absolutely love this. So I’ve decided I’d love something on the lines of this, either on my arm, upper back or under booby!

6.Cheat Night – Mmmm last night was cheat night and all week I’ve been craving cheese and crackers, so I brought Christmas early and caved in to a box of Jacob’s. Oh my. Along with way too many chocolate match makers and cinnamon popcorn but hey… it’s once a week right…

Hope you’ve all had fabulous week’s and now X Factors back with the live shows it’s most certainly Christmas countdown begun. Mwaha.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

THE QUEEN IS BACK

Hello Sweet Peas,

I’m beyond the level of excitement right now because guess who’s back? MARINA DIAMANDIS.

And with a track I already adore ‘Froot’, I’ve literally had it on repeat all day, so you should most certainly go check it out. Honestly it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for Marina to release something new and the fact it’s finally here turns me literally into a kid on Christmas Eve.

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If you had guessed of knew already Marina Diamandis is by far one of the biggest inspirations in my life for; lyrics, music, personality, body, beauty, and fashion…yeah, you get my point… I practically live for that woman and her music. What I love most is her sincere originality – in each song, each lyric, each album – it creates a world, it creates a story.

That’s why I’m so so looking forward to seeing what her new album has to offer.

You’ve done well Marina!

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Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Simplicity

Flickering of eyes,

Palms led to palms,

A ‘good morning’ sleepy recited,

Skies full of wonders,

Clouds showing candyfloss traits,

Effortless fallen locks,

A sunlight seeping through,

Crisp in Summer’s losses,

Gains for the Autumn tones,

falling past your beloved scarf keeping in your warmth,

Smelling of loved cooking,

Apple crumble done best,

Wholeness from the heart,

Your lips against delicacy,

Strings played gently,

Fingertips upon curves,

Silence through reassured smiles,

White shirts as fresh as a clear blue sea,

buttons messily undone,

sliding off the silken shoulder you simmer upon,

Bed sheets we sink down into,

Smells of Christmas flooding the happiness,

Led to a falling path of enjoyments,

Toes between the sheets,

Comfort in a hug,

hugs in mugs,

Warmth from over-sized jumpers,

Crashing of waves,

Ears flooding of your most loved sounds,

The smell of you home after a time away,

Your words through care,

Your promises,

leaving me content,

the stars we see upon a dark, clear sky,

Pointing, hoping, dreaming

Wishes made,

little children still at heart.

Laughter that echos through the deepness of your belly,

Aching through happiness,

Your smile as you observe each inch,

hiding away from the world with each trust in me,

the falls we make,

the risks we take,

Simplicity surrounds me,

I find it in you

I hope you are all well,

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Anxiety – You aren’t alone

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have quite a few Autumn/Christmas Fashion and beauty posts waiting in anticipation, I know I know, please do contain your excitement. However this Friday – 10th October it’s World Mental Health Day, so I thought I’d do a quick little post on a topic I’ve been wanting to express for a while.

As you’ve more than likely figured already I want to talk a little bit about anxiety and panic attacks, as without realization it’s something in which a huge number of people suffer with day in and day out. I hope in expressing my feelings and thoughts towards it, I can try and raise a little bit of awareness and assure people that they really aren’t alone.

You are far too smart...

I’ve never really expressed my dealings with anxiety as over the years I’ve overcome it massively and have discovered so many ways and techniques in coping and surviving each day. It has taken a hell lot of work and something I’ll continue to do but I want to show just how you can learn to deal with these anxious thoughts and worries and how despite what you may think you aren’t the only one.

For a long period of time panic attacks were a daily struggle for me and in which a lot of the time no one was aware of, even myself wasn’t aware that what I was suffering with was panic attacks. They’d rise up whenever and wherever they wanted, usually in corridors in school, tight busy shops or when I got out of the shower bizarrely. Although, they can happen just about anywhere and let me tell you they aren’t fun. I’ll give you a tiny insight… Basically you feel like you’re dying for a split second, haha. Usually feeling dizzy, feeling sick, light headed, and blacking out often occur and that tightness in your chest they causes the over breathing. They’re a complete build up of fear, excitement, and emotions. For myself it often feels like my head is about to explode, causing me to simply panic more. I often feel like the whole world is caving in around me and there is simply nothing in the world that will stop it but of course we know that’s not quite frankly true because there are ways of over coming and coping with these attacks.

My Own Coping Techniques

  • Focus on breathing – I know this probably sounds way to obvious but in the case of a panic sorting out your breathing is pretty much vital. Slow deep breathing and allowing yourself to calm.
  • Getting away from the situation – I like to go straight outside or simply moving away from the place I’ve panicked in.
  • Being with someone – many people actually would rather not have any communication from anyone as it simply causes more anxiety and panic however one of my biggest preventatives is to actually go and find a friend or family member and allow them to be aware of how I’m feeling.
  • Counting – counting strangely helps me deal with calming down, as it gives me a completely different focus.
  • Lying down – I have a a dizziness issue, so sometimes lying down and again focusing on breathing techniques can help and awful lot
  • Drinking water – this helps with any dizziness and feeling sick

Dealing with the thoughts…

However despite the panic attacks, I think it’s unaware of the huge issue simply anxiety plays along with this, the build up. I firstly want to express how a little anxiety and worry is normal and healthy, without it we would be completely reckless human beings with not a care in the world however when it interferes with every aspect and decision then driving you insane… that’s not so healthy. Again for a long, long time day in day out and still some days anxiety and it’s evil thoughts control my life, decisions and relationships. I can recall it getting to the point I was petrified of leaving the house simply because the possibility of being watched, followed or involved in a car crash ect. I became so obsessed and anxious over every bad aspect in life, which of course isn’t the way to live. Not only that but I become incredibly paranoid of those around me, assuming someone I’d never seen in my entire life hated every inch of me. I could hear my voice being screamed and felt as if I was out numbered in a crowded room, each one of them targeting me. I would stop socializing, talking, touching and even acknowledging other people.  That constant ticking, irritating voice constantly giving you a friendly reminder of the unknown, which in the reasonable mind we know is ridiculous.

What if the unknown is equally as amazing?

That’s what I’ve grown to learn, that as humans we instantly jump to the conclusion that everything ahead of us could turn to disaster, this means we forget there and equal (even bigger) chance things could hold great wonders. Another great thing I’ve adjusted to through Anxiety and Anorexia is CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy), which I would certainly recommended for various mental health issues. It’s  type of therapy that looking into retraining the brains thinking patterns and thoughts in this it allows you to deal with problems or issues in your life a lot easier. Of course it doesn’t remove the problems, it does however allow you to see things in a much more positive light.

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I now take each day as it comes and as soon as that little negative voice chips in, I fight back with the positive one. I’ve discovered that when I’m panicking over what the world sees me as – they are more than likely doing the same thing. I’ve also figured out that the future cannot be changed and neither can the past, so dwelling and worrying is never the answer. Lastly, I was you to remember no matter how much you refuse to believe it – there is always a positive to every thought, situation and feeling.

A Little Thought – Facing the Fear

Within my CBT I learned a very valuable lesson that I use in every anxiety flooding situation;

Imagine a spider, big, hairy and scary and what’s worse? You have the biggest fear of spiders.

No one else is there to get rid of the spider, meaning you have two choices; 1. Leave the spider to sit there, leaving you aware of it’s presence, keeping the fear keeping the anxiety bubbling OR 2. Feel the Fear and do it anyway, the anxiety shall be there yes, however imagine it in waves. Once you’ve faced the fear of grabbing the spider the anxiety level shall fall back down because it’s over – you realize it simply wasn’t as bad as you first thought.

MEANING

When you have to face this fear again, the fear simply won’t be as strong because on the waves on anxiety each time you face it, it’ll become lower and lower and easier and easier.

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“But, what started the panic attack? Why were you anxious?”

Oh the one question that actually drives me insane! Yes, I know that somewhere down the deep, dark routes of your brain there shall always be a reason behind anxiety/attacks however sometimes you simply just don’t know! It’s quite frankly the worst when you have that anxious feeling in your stomach and the distant sense that something just quite isn’t right. I’d like to express how it’s perfectly fine to not know why you’re feeling this way, or to be completely unaware of the reasoning behind the attack.

It’s just extremely important to understand you aren’t alone. I also want you to know that, it’s 100% possibly to begin to control anxiety and panic attacks and that you are not doomed for your whole life.

526cfb5345e2c53bf5b1067ba6411a42Speak soon,

Holl xxx

A Week in photos (1)

Hello Sweet Peas,

It seems recently I’ve abandoned and left the blogging world (I know, I know you are distraught by the matter) I’m actually rather annoyed at myself as we all know that my blog is my pride and joy but hey I’m back!

I’ve also been stuck on what to actually come to blog about as for so long I’ve wanted to do a favorite/haul/autumn type post, yet when I come around to actually write them, the haul is out dated and it’s half way through the next month… opps…So I’ve sat down all snug with my autumn blanket and mug of green tea (yes, I can confirm Autumn is officially here) and have actually took the time to write a post I’ve been wanting to have a go at for ages and considering it’s Monday, it was the perfect chance.

It was actually inspired by the lovely Jacqueline who’s blog I absolutely adore and regularly sums her week up in just a few photos. I love reading these posts and think it’s an easy, interesting way to liven up your blog and talk about daily life, so I thought why not give it a whirl. So here’s a little bit of what I’ve been up to the past few weeks;

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1. Christmas Feelings – Eeeeeem, the past week I’ve been feeling super duper Christmassy and yes I am aware it’s only just turned October but hey Christmas songs are completely acceptable right now right? But because of the sudden wintery change in weather I’ve finally been able to pull out my new fluffy, Christmas snude, which I must add has been an absolute life saver.

2. Nandos! – Yes!!! Would you ever believe I finally went out for a meal and opted for Nando’s, which may I add is beyond the best tasting food I’ve had in a long, long time. I actually cannot express how proud of myself I am for even considering a meal out in public and it took a hell lot of guts but I am beyond glad that I did. It’s little steps like this, that allow me to realise the huge progress in the long run. Plus, how can I ever deprive myself from the Nando’s peas ever again???

3. Halloween love – One of my favorite Autumn traits is of course Halloween (It comes a very close call with Christmas, dare I say…) however despite my love actually doing something for Halloween is long over due. So this year I demanded I do something and i all I can say is a little black dress, killer red heels and sparkly devil horns have been happily purchased… 😉

4. My new love for Weight Lifting and Recovery – This one is actually a bit late as for nearly two weeks now I’ve really took a huge step in my life into recovery and getting healthy. Two weeks ago I opted in a Personal Trainer, starting with a consultation and my god seeing the fact laid out to me was a massive shock to the system and I’ve decided massive changes need to be made. I’ve always loved my fitness and always wanted to start weight lifting, one of my biggest inspirations being Francesca Fox, who used Weight lifting to recover from anorexia. I kind of see myself in her and hope I can follow her foot steps. So, in the past 12 days I’ve began training and I can only hope that things from here improve.

I hope you enjoyed this little different post, and I think I shall be doing plenty more! What have you been up to the past weeks? I’ve missed you all but I shall be back.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx