The beach is my second home

Hello sweet peas,

I’m here to share another one of my lovely family days out with you and to the place I consider home (I’ve always aspired to be a mermaid, secretly) yes you guessed, the beach!

Anywhere where there is sand and a calming sea to satisfy all my thoughts away pleases me greatly.

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Me, mumma, Ella, Nana and my uncle all decided a family day out to chill out at the beach was needed, as we are all indeed great lovers of the sunshine. We don’t live too far away luckily, so after only a 1 and half hour drive we finally arrived and quite quickly set up for a wonderful lazy day with a beautifully clear sky and sea. I’m also the worlds biggest book worm so of course I had to bring a fabby read with me, I bought “One Day”, I’ve just started reading this book as I absolutely adored the film. It is taking me a bit to get into but so far I’m actually really enjoying getting to read and experience parts they couldn’t show in the film.

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I also loved spending time with my little sister because oh boy the busy life of that one 12 year old astonishes me. I never ever see her anymore. Never the less we shall always be incredibly close and it was such a lovely thing to be able to have a catch up and a good old sing on the way (me and my sister jamming to frozen is always one of my happiest things in life) I actually love being able to watch my sister grow into a young woman and I cherish in being her older sister, in hoping she looks up to me, that would be wonderful.

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The ability just to escape reality and enjoy a day away from the daily tasks and aspects of life is so great when you spend the day with your toes in the sand. “Life at the beach it better” as I always say, almost as if looking right down at the sea beyond all them miles – you’re free.

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I also conquered one of my biggest fears that day and felt extreme achievements – for the first time in 3 years I faced having an ice cream and out in public. It was most certainly one of the scariest things I’ve done, yet another step forward to a happier and healthier life. I don’t want to be deprived from the tiniest pleasures in life and I’m working on it. It just takes a hell lot of will power and determination with a dash of stubbornness – and if you know me you shall be very aware or my stubbornness…

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Happiness is so much more important than stresses, worries and fears in life and I want you all to remember this, day in day out.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

 

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What if tomorrow didn’t exsist?

Hello sweet peas,

I hope you are well and enjoying the lovely sunshine in that Britain has finally provided us with, I know I am at long last however I am half expecting the usual rain to hit us anytime soon.

I’m out to make this short but sweet and take a moment to share this song with you in which I’ve grown to really love. It’s a new song by Sia who I’ve actually always liked however I hadn’t properly listened to this song because I wasn’t too keen at the start but after finally listening, I realized how much I adored the lyrics.

“I’m going to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist”

This lyric in particular caught my attention, as I caught myself in a little daze over analyzing it (Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this… haha)

I like it never the less and I think I can really apply it to a lot in my life at the moment. I find I live too much in the “what if..” rather than trust what I feel right this second. “What if this goes wrong”, “What if tomorrow I feel fat”, “What if tomorrow this food make me gain 20 stone”, “What if tomorrow they won’t talk to me” but what if tomorrow wasn’t to come around? What if just by chance tomorrow were to never exist? So think, if this were true, would you really be fussed about the message you just sent yet suddenly regret or the slice of chocolate cake you failed to challenge yourself to. If tomorrow isn’t there then why in the hell would it matter because you’d focus on enjoying now, you wouldn’t be contemplating what the next 24 hours would supposedly bring. You’d be living.

That’s what I want to try and attempt, I want to live this moment like in the next waking it weren’t to matter. I want to attempt at trying to loose the thoughts that every little move I make today impacts massively on my thoughts, feelings and actions the next day. I want to live, embrace and enjoy now because in all honesty that’s all that really matters (yes I know this sounds cheesy but it’s true)

Who cares if you gain a lb in one night? It’s probably water weight.

Who cares if you say the wrong thing and he never talks to you again? You can’t please everyone.

Who cares if you don’t do everything on your ‘to do’ list? You’re only human.

I mean think of reality, being very close to loosing life and feeling like I had lost life, truly we don’t know that tomorrow is going to come around at all.

Lets just stop and be happy.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Who am I?

Think about it who do you really want to be?

 

It’s a hard question to consider – I know.

 The girl with the slightly hanged head and somewhat drained features is the one which may as well be holding a warning sign right above her head, flashing rapidly claiming – “Do not make human contact with me, many thanks. Not.” She isn’t ever inviting. Yes, you’ll often notice her and she is usually the one that would crave every ounce of attention from any living form.

Or the boy with the bounding full of outstanding confidence and a spring in his step and yet not a care in the world. He doesn’t give the slightest thought to what people may believe of him because despite what they say he will continue in his proceedings. He is the attractor, yet believe it or not he wants a day’s rest from his beloved reputation.

How about the girl who works her ass off just to prove that she is capable of being somebody, that’s her aim. Yet people are intimidated by her strive, knowledge, and determination which gives them all the signs into which they are not good enough.

Strangely when you sit and think about it the world is living in lies. The words in which you speak represent and mean nothing compared to the actions that you make towards the people around you day in and day out. People are bound to judge you by that first smile you make, or the way in which you walk into a room. It’s hardly a judgment fairly made, it seems wrong that to be accepted as a person by another every day you have to be “effortlessly” on your best (mhm, one grumpy face? and you have no bloody chance)

The whole world and human race is completely hypocritical and bonkers I say! Isn’t it us who claim that we should be ourselves? Be you, be you, and be you! Blah, blah, blah, it’s always the same. We stand there and claim that being yourself gets you far in life but does it really? I mean how can it when all we are doing is simply hypocritically judging all of human natures natural creations.

It’s perfectly normal to have one of them daunting clouds above your head one day just as much as it is to be on top of the skies, full gleaming light the next. So, really who the hell are you to stand there and express to a person they aren’t good enough because of a negative approach towards life, the way in which they look or dress, or even to the point of a good gesture.

Thinking my rambling through and submitting it all into a context really it comes back to the question who do you really want to be?

and the truth is, I really have no clue. Yet I feel as if I have to be a certain something in able to be accepted.

I’m not going to sit here inspiring and tell you to “be whoever you want to be” and “to stop making others happy” because despite what I say, I believe as humans we’ve adapted into being able to “Fit In”. Who doesn’t want that really?

So, instead of setting the all too unrealistic goal of being yourself  I’ve had a tiny think into coping through judgement.

Ask yourself – Who do I want to be for my family, my future family, my future partner. Who do I want to be for my children? Who do I want to be for my closest friends?

The people in which look up to you because at some point throughout your time on the planet these people are going to need you, and as you. Think about it, they see you every day or most days. Your children – I’m sure you hope for them to have the best out of life, isn’t that something to strive yourself for? You are also going to find someone, or many someone’s who instantly accept you, love you, and care for you despite your healthy, beauty, personality, weight, color, mood, and traits. From a personal experience I do know how satisfying this can be, so when it starts to maybe fade you fall back into the habit of trying to please them – if this is the case GET THE PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE. For Christ sakes. If you manage to proceed in your life to find that however, well done to you, you can stop in making pointless characters in your life happy.

I Imagine myself walking into three rooms.

Number one holds the important beings, ones already playing a huge part in my life, and the ones yet to be. I’d like to believe I can walk into the room, despite mood or appearance, not to be judged. But is that always the case.

Number two holds friends, I mean the groups of friends that even you feel somewhat uncomfortable around. The ones in which are just “there” and ones you could quite easily say good riddance to. and think about it do these people really care about you? Are these the ones in which judge you so less simply because they couldn’t care less?

Lastly, a room full of people you don’t know. Brand new people, people you could be finding great wonders with or people you could one day learn to despise. This could be terrifying or extremely exhilarating – really that makes it magical.

I’ll leave you with that, which one daunts you the most – and really I think that exclaims to you a lot of truth.

Speak soon,

Holl.