The dreaded ‘F’ word

Do you really know what a feminist looks like?

Maybe I’m a feminist. Maybe you’re a feminist, who knows? How would you know? That word, the dreaded F word has caused such tedious stigma for quite some time. A stigma that disgusts me. As a society we’ve given feminism one of the worst connotations. The debate towards claiming your husbands last name, reducing rape numbers or the role of female superheros floods our mouths and minds as we explore the feminist world.

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As soon as you even hear the word feminist you more than likely force your minds into imagining some man-hating,angry, undersexed woman with hairs sprouting from her armpits and beavers growing on her legs. A woman that would instantly burn you alive at even suggesting she should put you together a delicious bacon sandwich. You probably sit there thinking how much you want to tell these called feminist bitches to ‘quit cryin.’ Well let’s have a reality check because honey you’re living in the wrong century.

Let’s get one thing straight without the label ‘feminist’ the bottom end of it is simply, equal rights, equal chances, equal opportunities. Not just for women however every single human being. I feel it’s an opportunity for a stance in empowering men and women to break certain gender roles.  And why would you be that ignorant in disagreeing we all deserve a chance, is equality that inadequate to you?

‘I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there’s on thing I know for certain, this has to stop.’ – Emma Watson

I adore this quote because of the amount of truth is provides. The way many people view feminism is simply down hatred and anger, is this really the way we should be displaying equal opportunities to our younger generations? Rather than the word being taboo, we should acknowledge feminism in a positive concept to progress humans in many ways. I think rather than creating this label upon women, we should be proud and stand forth in and to show confidence and independence in what we believe. If you’re a women that cannot bring herself to the thought of doing and cringe at the thought, then I hand you my disgust.

What causes my skin the crawl most and my blood to boil is the sense we’ve created that to be a feminist you have to portray yourself in some certain manner. For one it doesn’t matter at all if you are male, female, old, young, gay, straight, English or American. Whoever you may be if you consider each and every individual to have a right politically, economically, or socially,  you’re a feminist.

And yes! You heard right you can be male and be a ‘feminist’ without it having to send you down the daunting road of less masculinity. As I said we aren’t out to murder you with like feminist witches however this is just another expectation and connotation, a pathetic one if that. There are many males who have claimed to be feminist recently; Prince Harry and Joseph Gordon- Levitt and there is no shame at all in them doing so. I believe that truly portrays what the whole subject is about – standing up for what you believe.

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Honestly I don’t quite understand the huge deal towards feminism. I say you break the rules a little, go on stand out your comfort zone. I’m a feminist and proud.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Simplicity

Flickering of eyes,

Palms led to palms,

A ‘good morning’ sleepy recited,

Skies full of wonders,

Clouds showing candyfloss traits,

Effortless fallen locks,

A sunlight seeping through,

Crisp in Summer’s losses,

Gains for the Autumn tones,

falling past your beloved scarf keeping in your warmth,

Smelling of loved cooking,

Apple crumble done best,

Wholeness from the heart,

Your lips against delicacy,

Strings played gently,

Fingertips upon curves,

Silence through reassured smiles,

White shirts as fresh as a clear blue sea,

buttons messily undone,

sliding off the silken shoulder you simmer upon,

Bed sheets we sink down into,

Smells of Christmas flooding the happiness,

Led to a falling path of enjoyments,

Toes between the sheets,

Comfort in a hug,

hugs in mugs,

Warmth from over-sized jumpers,

Crashing of waves,

Ears flooding of your most loved sounds,

The smell of you home after a time away,

Your words through care,

Your promises,

leaving me content,

the stars we see upon a dark, clear sky,

Pointing, hoping, dreaming

Wishes made,

little children still at heart.

Laughter that echos through the deepness of your belly,

Aching through happiness,

Your smile as you observe each inch,

hiding away from the world with each trust in me,

the falls we make,

the risks we take,

Simplicity surrounds me,

I find it in you

I hope you are all well,

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Anxiety – You aren’t alone

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have quite a few Autumn/Christmas Fashion and beauty posts waiting in anticipation, I know I know, please do contain your excitement. However this Friday – 10th October it’s World Mental Health Day, so I thought I’d do a quick little post on a topic I’ve been wanting to express for a while.

As you’ve more than likely figured already I want to talk a little bit about anxiety and panic attacks, as without realization it’s something in which a huge number of people suffer with day in and day out. I hope in expressing my feelings and thoughts towards it, I can try and raise a little bit of awareness and assure people that they really aren’t alone.

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I’ve never really expressed my dealings with anxiety as over the years I’ve overcome it massively and have discovered so many ways and techniques in coping and surviving each day. It has taken a hell lot of work and something I’ll continue to do but I want to show just how you can learn to deal with these anxious thoughts and worries and how despite what you may think you aren’t the only one.

For a long period of time panic attacks were a daily struggle for me and in which a lot of the time no one was aware of, even myself wasn’t aware that what I was suffering with was panic attacks. They’d rise up whenever and wherever they wanted, usually in corridors in school, tight busy shops or when I got out of the shower bizarrely. Although, they can happen just about anywhere and let me tell you they aren’t fun. I’ll give you a tiny insight… Basically you feel like you’re dying for a split second, haha. Usually feeling dizzy, feeling sick, light headed, and blacking out often occur and that tightness in your chest they causes the over breathing. They’re a complete build up of fear, excitement, and emotions. For myself it often feels like my head is about to explode, causing me to simply panic more. I often feel like the whole world is caving in around me and there is simply nothing in the world that will stop it but of course we know that’s not quite frankly true because there are ways of over coming and coping with these attacks.

My Own Coping Techniques

  • Focus on breathing – I know this probably sounds way to obvious but in the case of a panic sorting out your breathing is pretty much vital. Slow deep breathing and allowing yourself to calm.
  • Getting away from the situation – I like to go straight outside or simply moving away from the place I’ve panicked in.
  • Being with someone – many people actually would rather not have any communication from anyone as it simply causes more anxiety and panic however one of my biggest preventatives is to actually go and find a friend or family member and allow them to be aware of how I’m feeling.
  • Counting – counting strangely helps me deal with calming down, as it gives me a completely different focus.
  • Lying down – I have a a dizziness issue, so sometimes lying down and again focusing on breathing techniques can help and awful lot
  • Drinking water – this helps with any dizziness and feeling sick

Dealing with the thoughts…

However despite the panic attacks, I think it’s unaware of the huge issue simply anxiety plays along with this, the build up. I firstly want to express how a little anxiety and worry is normal and healthy, without it we would be completely reckless human beings with not a care in the world however when it interferes with every aspect and decision then driving you insane… that’s not so healthy. Again for a long, long time day in day out and still some days anxiety and it’s evil thoughts control my life, decisions and relationships. I can recall it getting to the point I was petrified of leaving the house simply because the possibility of being watched, followed or involved in a car crash ect. I became so obsessed and anxious over every bad aspect in life, which of course isn’t the way to live. Not only that but I become incredibly paranoid of those around me, assuming someone I’d never seen in my entire life hated every inch of me. I could hear my voice being screamed and felt as if I was out numbered in a crowded room, each one of them targeting me. I would stop socializing, talking, touching and even acknowledging other people.  That constant ticking, irritating voice constantly giving you a friendly reminder of the unknown, which in the reasonable mind we know is ridiculous.

What if the unknown is equally as amazing?

That’s what I’ve grown to learn, that as humans we instantly jump to the conclusion that everything ahead of us could turn to disaster, this means we forget there and equal (even bigger) chance things could hold great wonders. Another great thing I’ve adjusted to through Anxiety and Anorexia is CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy), which I would certainly recommended for various mental health issues. It’s  type of therapy that looking into retraining the brains thinking patterns and thoughts in this it allows you to deal with problems or issues in your life a lot easier. Of course it doesn’t remove the problems, it does however allow you to see things in a much more positive light.

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I now take each day as it comes and as soon as that little negative voice chips in, I fight back with the positive one. I’ve discovered that when I’m panicking over what the world sees me as – they are more than likely doing the same thing. I’ve also figured out that the future cannot be changed and neither can the past, so dwelling and worrying is never the answer. Lastly, I was you to remember no matter how much you refuse to believe it – there is always a positive to every thought, situation and feeling.

A Little Thought – Facing the Fear

Within my CBT I learned a very valuable lesson that I use in every anxiety flooding situation;

Imagine a spider, big, hairy and scary and what’s worse? You have the biggest fear of spiders.

No one else is there to get rid of the spider, meaning you have two choices; 1. Leave the spider to sit there, leaving you aware of it’s presence, keeping the fear keeping the anxiety bubbling OR 2. Feel the Fear and do it anyway, the anxiety shall be there yes, however imagine it in waves. Once you’ve faced the fear of grabbing the spider the anxiety level shall fall back down because it’s over – you realize it simply wasn’t as bad as you first thought.

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When you have to face this fear again, the fear simply won’t be as strong because on the waves on anxiety each time you face it, it’ll become lower and lower and easier and easier.

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“But, what started the panic attack? Why were you anxious?”

Oh the one question that actually drives me insane! Yes, I know that somewhere down the deep, dark routes of your brain there shall always be a reason behind anxiety/attacks however sometimes you simply just don’t know! It’s quite frankly the worst when you have that anxious feeling in your stomach and the distant sense that something just quite isn’t right. I’d like to express how it’s perfectly fine to not know why you’re feeling this way, or to be completely unaware of the reasoning behind the attack.

It’s just extremely important to understand you aren’t alone. I also want you to know that, it’s 100% possibly to begin to control anxiety and panic attacks and that you are not doomed for your whole life.

526cfb5345e2c53bf5b1067ba6411a42Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Conflictation

Hello Sweet Peas,

I’m feeling extremely positive today and everything seems to be on the up. So firstly if you just happen to be having an awful hour or one of them days where only the bed seems appealing, I want you to stop for a second and smile. Take a huge breath and remember the world around you is still turning and you are still living and tomorrow is a brand new fresh day. Make the most of it! Do something new and exciting, do something that scares you or something full of spontaneity.

I was stuck in what to base today’s blog post around so, I thought I’d share a little poem with you as recently I’ve been writing more and more poetry and really seem to enjoy it.

Conflicted Thoughts

I don’t want to be caught
In a vagueness of my own insecure haze,
When I grow and my veins purposely entwine,
Logically older and minding fault.

I refuse to continue in the threatening hope,
That miracle shall fall upon,
That I am a specialist,
When I fall down to nothing, in the simple act of breathing.

Humanity overwhelms me.
Steps,
Walks,
Breaths,
Sound,
Forcefully supply me with and average sense of normality, I endlessly refuse to aspire.

You refuse to believe the demons I hold, Believing I’m a saint with no fault,
Do you feel the deceiving pierce?
When the world sees you with purity?
And you know you are scolded with blinded ashes at the core,

Endlessly attempting to accept emotion
That seethes from all,
Yet you prefer the opposite,
You don’t expect clarity, Love, Want,
Only ever craving its persuasions.

Pushing slowly to dismiss the truth,
You fail to control.
I’ll control each particle,
I place through the lips claiming for admiration,
The normal act upon us all day to day,
Finger tips to mouth.

I’ll control the purpose and meaning you have in each hour, because I can.
Protection.
Stopping the hurt you’ll supply me with.

Humanity does this,
Its dishonest perceptions,
And humans? We act it best.

That’s why I am fragile yet as cold as sharp icicles, Coming on the world’s tragic end.
You cannot come close,
I do not believe,
So I strike and melt and fade,
So you no longer have to observe my obsessive ‘phase’

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Autumn Tag

Hello Sweet Peas,

Ah I was tagged by the lovely http://jacquelinemorby.co.uk/ to do this tag and I’m rather excited. It’s something a tad different ey!

  1) What’s your favourite seasonal drink from Starbucks/ Costa/ Cafe Nero etc?

I’ve only just begun to get into the Costa vibes (I know late on the band wagon) At the moment I’ve been massively obsessed with the coffee coolers from Costa however they have been my ultimate summer drink and with the cold weather making it’s way, I’ve had to broaden my horizons. So of course I went for the most comforting sounding beverage and one I’ve been dying to try for ages – Gingerbread latte – and now I can quite wonderfully say this is my Christmas drink.

2) Accessories – What do you opt for, scarf, boots, gloves?

Scroll down my blog and you’ll soon realize I’m the biggest scarf lover, especially big fluffy, white ones.

3. Music – What’s your favorite music to listen to during Autumn?

I don’t in particular change my music taste due to season, I listen to pretty much anything and everything whenever I tend to feel like it. Although, I must say as the winter starts to call in… So does the Michel Buble Christmas album… (I have no shame!)

 
4. Perfume – What’s your favourite scent for this time of year?
I hate to admit but I’m awful with perfumes, I pick and choose them like they are flaming underwear. I can never really find a  sent I love and will stick too however one perfume I always ask for towards Christmas is ‘Angel’ by Thierry Mugler. I absolutely adore it.
5. Candles – What scents will you be burning this season?
Cinnamon, cinnamon, CINNAMON! Oh god, If you do happen to know me, you’ll be highly aware 1. I adore candles 2. cinnamon is my favourite sent and taste of all time. I certainly need a cinnamon candle spree! Mmmmmm!
6. What do you love most about Autumn?
The colours, the fashion and of course good old Halloween. It’s all so exciting and something about it creates a warming and comforting feeling. I despise the cold weather but adore boots, jumpers and massive coats. It’s excuse to look like a chubby eskimo right? And of course my beloved onesies, my reindeer onesie has already made a reappearance.
7. Favorite make-up look?
I’m pretty dull with makeup, I tend to stick to neutral and natural shades, unless I’m off somewhere fancy. However as summer is disheartening I’ve been using a few darker, warming browns on my eyelids which I’ve been enjoying. Also, I usually stick safe with my lips, It’s a massive no no NO to ever go dark, yet today I ventured in buying a red lipstick… Ow…
That’s it my chickens, so I hope you enjoyed, I actually really enjoyed doing this slightly different post. Let me know if you want to see a few more like this, as I’ve been thinking about a Q & A post.
I tag – http://angisliving.wordpress.com/ My lovely lil fighter and anyone else who would love to do this!
Autumns a fabby time, so make sure you treat yourself to lots of hot chocolates!
Speak soon,
Holl xxx

The Silence

Standing motionless alone in complete tranquility. The shivers overcoming my spine from chilling droplets one would usually find to be comforting, the way of a wind down from a hectic 24 hours. I beg to differ as the sense of the cold relieves tension built from within, rather than the burning reminders of whom I am. I focus on the numbness that suddenly overcomes me in repetitive shivers. Breathing in and out with ease forcing my mind to phase over a peace, finger tips graze the curves and sharping edges as my mind is rapidly distorted. I search for acceptance. Suddenly falling in my trembles through each step, I phase in and out of a realization of reality. Like a dream the silence begins to swallow me, water droplets transforming into the ocean and each and every particle drowns away.  A tightness is risen in my chest and my aims to block out doesn’t reach any accomplishment, I feel as if the tapping of the tap echos louder, as the walls trap around me. What you’d find peace and ease in this normal, daily action, I discover a striking break down of screams. Terrorizing me as if I were melting I’d still leave the self hatred behind. I hope for the lingering to reach it’s halt, washing away through my own mind.

What you really are

You’re the gleaming sunlight,
Through the half discovered window,
Upon the hazy summer morning.

You’re the glimpse beyond his lustful eyes,
When he observes and admires,
The beauty her smile unconfidently holds.

You’re the worth of words of wonder,
As when the little girl you once were,
Cherished her parents every movement.

You’re the genuine laughter,
That sparks right beneath your belly,
Leaving your muscles aching from joy not forced upon.

You’re the glamorous little black dress,
You use to protest your edges,
Your curves,
Reflecting your beauty for hindering eyes.

You are allowed to float through happiness,
Life’s natural features,
That are supplied around you in and out.

The fooling of the haze,
Should not blind the glimmer of hope,
Into that the smile isn’t worthy and the laughter not quite loud enough.

A little “pick me up”

Hello Sweet Peas,

Oh heck it’s been a while, I’ve missed my blogging but I’m back don’t worry too much…

Anyway, what the hell has happened to summer?! I’m currently sat here back into my jeans, slipper socks and over sized hoodie attempting to to allow my body to feel the warmth again. I even resorted in getting the old parka out of the back of my wardrobe on my shopping trip the other day… yes I was that cold or my body just simply refuses sudden weather change. I can’t lie though I did enjoy starting the winter shop, baggy jumpers and huge scarfs, yes please! On that note, yes you heard right once again I had one of my fabby shopping trips, of course only meaning a haul very very soon!

However today I feel as if due to this now gloomy weather we are all in need of one of Hollie’s little inspirational ‘pick me ups’ of course. Well I know I do and a complete ‘sluggish’ feeling is most certainly hazing over me.

I’ve trying my complete hardest everyday to stay as positive as I can recently and one of the little sayings that is helping me strive through is;

“Storms make trees take deeper roots”

I’ve been meaning to share this for a while now because I absolutely love it and lately speaks a whole lot of truth. There are many times I’m coming to face that the whole world around me appears to blow up into a complete whirl wind. Like a dark cloud is hovering over day to day, as a storm kindly brews. Of course through a storm the trees have to take their hold or they’re simply blown down indicating that they take deep roots. It’s like that for ourselves – our storms, our mistakes and experiences can only make us stronger because as humans we set in ambition to make our mark on the planet. We aren’t made or placed upon the Earth the to just ‘give up’ because I believe the universe simply doesn’t work that way.

I want to believe that each struggle that I am faced with It’ll only impact on my drive towards my aspirations in life. They will continue to provide me with the drive to carry on striving for everything I want.

So, if today seems gloomy or you’re having a little rough patch, look in the mirror and confirm with yourself that this will soon pass and when it does? you shall be a hell lot stronger. You’ll be able to face your day straight on with the need and want to live.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

Something a lil different

Hello Sweet Peas,

I thought I’d dive in with something a little different today because despite my love for my fashion and day to day posts I’m still shamefully a writer and take into account I write anything and everything. One thing I do admire is poetry, yet I usually keep this quiet and share with no one, it’s top secret 😉 However I could go on and on about the stigma towards poetry and in what people perceive it to be. Poetry is practically everywhere songs, speeches, lists, even to the little things you jot down thinking they fail to mean anything and yet we fail to realize it because most idiots think it’s on the lines of “the lazy cat spent his whole day on the mat” (I know that’s an awful example but you get my point okay!…)

Anyway, lately I’ve been reflecting an awful lot and trying to grasp my head around so many different aspects of my life, which only means one thing – I write an awful lots of thoughts and poetry if you like. So I thought I’d pluck up the courage to search for something I could share with you all. (Plus it changes up the blog a bit ey?) Enjoy.

If acceptance is all that is left,

then I shall,

I shall grasp it with both worn shaken hands,

until they cannot possibly connect anymore.

 

Palms shall only burn,

As I have discovered on my paths the hard way,

that this is a ‘cruel to be kind’ matter –

a state that can only be undone through the given strength of determination.

 

It shall fall upon me,

the day a reflection ends all control towards my dis-formed mind.

I shall float down the winding street, with not even a reassuring check,

from the shoppers windows that once suffocated me.

 

Looking,

there should be no need for your fragile fingertips

to disgustingly grasp

the itty gritty parts in which you have self taught in hating.

 

You deserve sparkles of more than falling tears,

more than screaming echo’s,

which appear due to your thighs size

in the pinching of your own skin.

 

In’s and outs, ups and downs from a souls and enlightenment of fires,

fires we should accept the warmth within,

not fights that continuously burn deep,

leaving it’s blinding ashes behind scattered to haunt us.

 

It is taught to embrace ones beauty,

yet involving a voice in which contemplates,

the hazed lines between lies,

and the truth.

 

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

 

 

 

Bumble and Bumble Hair Products

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Hello Sweet Peas,

I want to just quickly rave (Is that still the right word to use?) about these two amazing products I’ve been using for a good while now.

I have no shame in stating that my hair is by means my pride and joy, I’ve always been known for the girl with long hair and it’s never been any different and that’s forgetting the time I crazily decided to go with the chop… never ever again! This quite clearly means though the condition in which I keep it in is vital however recently I’ve found my ends are weaker, dry and thinner, pretty much resembling rats tails rather than Rapunzel locks (Hey we all know I aspire to be a Disney Princess… Shush!)

So while trying to discover some new products in helping my hair back on it’s tracks I discovered Bumble and Bumble which are a company who produce great and wonderful hair products. They specialize in helping and treating for many different varieties of hair. Personally any product stating ‘Volume’ or ‘Thickening’ scream out for me to pick it up and I love anything that will give my hair that extra texture and umfff! So of course I went straight for the Bumble and Bumble ‘Thickening’ products and I can quite frankly say they work wonders on my locks.

I firstly apply the thickening texture creme onto towel dried and slightly damp hair scrunching and rubbing it into my hair from the roots to tips. Then spray in the hairspray into my roots before giving it another little ruffle and scrunch. It’s always best done on damp hair as they work on your hair as it dries, giving it more volume and texture. I love the festival, beach, ‘done but undone’ look that flows through many different hair styles and out of all the products and salt sprays I’ve continuously tried I can honestly say these two products used together out do everything!

If you’ve used any Bumble and Bumble products let me know what other ranges are great to try?

Speak soon,

Holl xxx