Honey! You’re obsessed!

Okay, so time to be honest.

We have all had an extremely, over embarrassing yet guilty pleasure, “obsessive” stage.  It is of course the daunting phase you wish you could erase from all humanity, ever.  You know the one I’m on about. You’d spend sleepless nights ‘fan girling’ over some fool of a celebrity you claim to adore and admire – maybe even to the extent you’re in love with this inspirational idiot (admit it, you know I’m right!)

I’ll raise my hand and hang my head in entire shame, that through my little (okay, massive) obsessive episode, the words – “I’d die for you” and “you saved my life” did in fact pass my lips.

I don’t really want to recall it to my memory. Oh, the walls plastered from head to toe with all of my supposedly talented and famous ‘idols’.  Fantasizing late at night into what meeting these wonderful, inspiring people would be like. I mean, Harry Styles is bound to fall right in love as soon as he lays his eyes on me?  Right…? And the motivational lyrics you force yourself into learning words for word, note for note. But come on how can the lyrics “Na na na na na…” possibly have given me any hope and motivation into whom I wanted to be? Unless I wanted to be the planet’s most illiterate individual. That’s right it just leads you down the daunting path of life long humiliation.

It makes me wonder, as teens are we simply deluded by what these people appear to be in the media and society around us? Have we taken a simple idolisation and admiration to a whole new level? Is it right we should be devoting ourselves so greatly into someone who doesn’t even acknowledge our existence? – Don’t be fooled they do have millions of other crazed fans all grasping on to the same dream, that they’ll just give them a glance. You’re nothing special.

And what about the ‘so-called’ fantastic fame claimers such as Towie star Joey Essex’s or all well to known boob fanatic Katie Price. And what are they famous for? Nothing. So, why do we feel this need to be so caught up in the devious lives of these people? The media creates them. It’ simple. Maybe we are just growing into people who aspire to be lazy rather than successful. Well reality check sweetie, life doesn’t work that way!

What joy do we receive in knowing what the Kardashians had for breakfast or when Peter Andre wiped his arse? (Yes I know some of you are this obsessed!)

“We criticize them, and at the same time we rush to hear about their latest disasters. We love to hate them but we seem to idolize them while other critical issues sit on the back burner?”

So there you have it: we are all crazy obsessed! It ridiculous! I guess the media is half to blame and looking at this quote, I’d highly agree, we technically obsess over negativity. Think about it logically – is this really just making us highlight what is wrong with our own lives – drugs, alcohol, sex, violence and so on. The media is telling us these things are right, so maybe they just simply are. Like Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan for prime examples. Don’t get me wrong I love the women. Miley’s new grunge, carefree personality shines through as an admiration to me – good on the girl however does this explicit trait of “twerking” cause something little girls see as the right behaviour? Before we know it a whole new generation shall be twerking like fools in flimsy shorts to claim it is only a ‘self-belief’ matter.

I’m not here to burst your bubble and I’m certainly not suggesting that having a celebrity idol or resemblance makes you some crazed idiot in which you shouldn’t be. Sometimes it can be healthy, celebrities can resemble positivity to us and inspire us to achieve wonderful things – raising money for charities and many motivate us into achieve goals and dreams. But just ask yourself something why are you so interested and crazed about these people’s lives? Are you simply bored or are you unhappy with your own? Fair enough of course if you want to spend your time indulging in the fantasy of being the next Mrs Bieber, be my guest – who am I to stop you?

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25 Facts About Moi..

Today is a good day and I’m feeling very motivated and positive (despite being so cold that I can’t actually feel my nose anymore.. ow) But, yes even still I feel extremely content that I haven’t spent the day lazing around and what not, I’ve actually been rather productive, so much it feels about six in the evening rather than one in the afternoon..

I thought I’d try doing something a little bit different, I’m not really stuck on what to write actually however I’m somewhat frustrated in the sense I feel my blog has no structure or flows in any particular direction. Don’t get me wrong I do know this doesn’t always have to be the case – obviously you can write whatever the hell you want! However that does somehow reach you to dead ends.

So I thought I’d let you have a little more of an insight of me, in good terms of course, enjoy!20140111-030705 pm.jpg

1. Unlike most people I really like my full name (Go mumma!) I don’t know why, but if people ask what do you like most about yourself I like to say my name – no one ever says that.

2. I’m the worlds biggest morning person, I love getting up early, which you can guess annoys practically everyone!

3. I’m a hugeee coffee addict…

4. I prefer to be organized, it makes me feel a lot clearer in my head, if not I just loose the will the live.

5. I love to paint and I also taught myself to paint (a paint brush used to be a foreign language to me I swear!)20140111-031241 pm.jpg

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6. I’m super conscious about smelling bad, so I have so many room sprays and perfumes it’s unbelievable. My favorites are Angel and Burberry – Brit. I literally live in these 24/7, mmm.

7. Like most I’m quite a different person once you’ve gotten to know me, I’m actually really out going but also a moody mare, keep that in mind.

8. I love the sun and bright weather more than anything, I have SAD (seasonal effective disorder) the light in the winter instantly messes with the chemicals in my brain – so summer make a huge difference to my mood, outlook, and thought process. Or just give me a cocktail on a Hawaiian beach and that will be spot on.. Haha.

9. I desperately want a hamster. (I’ll protest until I can get one!!!!) However I do adore my bunny Cheeky.

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10. I love to run.

11. Shopping is my weakness…….So is Matt Smith… Oppss.

12. My little sister is the one person I would do anything for. If she needs me I’m there, whenever it may be. She fills be with so much hope and joy every day.

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13. I love socializing and my own company, I believe they’re both beneficial.

14. I have a slight obsession with Swizzels Love Heart sweets. ( So much I bought a phone case design, and 100 packets…)

15. Writing is my biggest passion – whenever I feel alone, I just turn to my notebook or laptop and write away. I feel as if through many struggles it’s the one thing I’ve always turned to.20140111-031407-pm.jpg

16. I’m actually a really confident person at the right times

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I want to learn to be happy with myself. This is wonderful.

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(well, trying to be.. haha) – over the past few years, despite recent battles, I have grown into a stronger person and I think it’s hitting the point of feeling fear yet still doing it anyway.

17. I adore slipper socks. So much I once told everyone all I wanted for Christmas was slipper socks, guess what I got.

.18. I’m scared of having my hair cut – yes I’m genuinely scared of hair dressing scissors coming anywhere near my head. Thank god my mum was a hair dresser, no one else has a chance.

19. I have so man y long distance friendships, that mean the world to me, and I wish I could see them everyday.

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This is my best Scottie friend Lisa. I adore her.I hate distance. I wish It was this easy, haha.

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Kamara is like the big sister I’ve never had – she drew this containing all of our favorite things. I shall always love it.

20. I’m a huge girl when it comes to benefit make-up ah.

21. I like getting negative and critical feed back just as much as positive, I feel it to be a whole lot more beneficial. You can challenge yourself more.

22. Jamie McGuire, Dan Wells, John Green, and Jacqueline Wilson are my favorite authors.

23. I only trust one person.

24. I really have taken a crazy liking to onesies. Opps.

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I know own three… opps

25. I want to travel.

There you go a tiny bit about myself, I do apologies for not being the world most exciting person, haha. I do try though 😉

I don;t know if anyone prefers these types of posts, lifestyle – or if you prefer the thoughts and writing. I think I like both. What would you like to see more of? Or any ideas you’d maybe like me to have a pop at, don’t be afraid to say.

Speak soon,

Holl.

Who am I?

Think about it who do you really want to be?

 

It’s a hard question to consider – I know.

 The girl with the slightly hanged head and somewhat drained features is the one which may as well be holding a warning sign right above her head, flashing rapidly claiming – “Do not make human contact with me, many thanks. Not.” She isn’t ever inviting. Yes, you’ll often notice her and she is usually the one that would crave every ounce of attention from any living form.

Or the boy with the bounding full of outstanding confidence and a spring in his step and yet not a care in the world. He doesn’t give the slightest thought to what people may believe of him because despite what they say he will continue in his proceedings. He is the attractor, yet believe it or not he wants a day’s rest from his beloved reputation.

How about the girl who works her ass off just to prove that she is capable of being somebody, that’s her aim. Yet people are intimidated by her strive, knowledge, and determination which gives them all the signs into which they are not good enough.

Strangely when you sit and think about it the world is living in lies. The words in which you speak represent and mean nothing compared to the actions that you make towards the people around you day in and day out. People are bound to judge you by that first smile you make, or the way in which you walk into a room. It’s hardly a judgment fairly made, it seems wrong that to be accepted as a person by another every day you have to be “effortlessly” on your best (mhm, one grumpy face? and you have no bloody chance)

The whole world and human race is completely hypocritical and bonkers I say! Isn’t it us who claim that we should be ourselves? Be you, be you, and be you! Blah, blah, blah, it’s always the same. We stand there and claim that being yourself gets you far in life but does it really? I mean how can it when all we are doing is simply hypocritically judging all of human natures natural creations.

It’s perfectly normal to have one of them daunting clouds above your head one day just as much as it is to be on top of the skies, full gleaming light the next. So, really who the hell are you to stand there and express to a person they aren’t good enough because of a negative approach towards life, the way in which they look or dress, or even to the point of a good gesture.

Thinking my rambling through and submitting it all into a context really it comes back to the question who do you really want to be?

and the truth is, I really have no clue. Yet I feel as if I have to be a certain something in able to be accepted.

I’m not going to sit here inspiring and tell you to “be whoever you want to be” and “to stop making others happy” because despite what I say, I believe as humans we’ve adapted into being able to “Fit In”. Who doesn’t want that really?

So, instead of setting the all too unrealistic goal of being yourself  I’ve had a tiny think into coping through judgement.

Ask yourself – Who do I want to be for my family, my future family, my future partner. Who do I want to be for my children? Who do I want to be for my closest friends?

The people in which look up to you because at some point throughout your time on the planet these people are going to need you, and as you. Think about it, they see you every day or most days. Your children – I’m sure you hope for them to have the best out of life, isn’t that something to strive yourself for? You are also going to find someone, or many someone’s who instantly accept you, love you, and care for you despite your healthy, beauty, personality, weight, color, mood, and traits. From a personal experience I do know how satisfying this can be, so when it starts to maybe fade you fall back into the habit of trying to please them – if this is the case GET THE PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE. For Christ sakes. If you manage to proceed in your life to find that however, well done to you, you can stop in making pointless characters in your life happy.

I Imagine myself walking into three rooms.

Number one holds the important beings, ones already playing a huge part in my life, and the ones yet to be. I’d like to believe I can walk into the room, despite mood or appearance, not to be judged. But is that always the case.

Number two holds friends, I mean the groups of friends that even you feel somewhat uncomfortable around. The ones in which are just “there” and ones you could quite easily say good riddance to. and think about it do these people really care about you? Are these the ones in which judge you so less simply because they couldn’t care less?

Lastly, a room full of people you don’t know. Brand new people, people you could be finding great wonders with or people you could one day learn to despise. This could be terrifying or extremely exhilarating – really that makes it magical.

I’ll leave you with that, which one daunts you the most – and really I think that exclaims to you a lot of truth.

Speak soon,

Holl.

My Personal “Clear Out..”

I’m far from good with decisions, decision making is probably one of my most dreaded things, yet I feel I have reached a point where I need to face my fear. I have some decisions to make.

I feel as if I need a “Clear Out” (and what this is yet to mean I have no clue, haha) – I just feel as if my mind is cramped and over crowded which is only causing a haze, and that leads to the disorientation of my thoughts. The more I think about this “Clear Out” I am coming to realize lately the true cause behind my failure and stumbles is down to people in and out of my life. People are beginning to pull me back rather than push me forward. I mean when you truly sit back and think about it – we as humans appear to be drawn towards the people that fill our hearts with negativity. Why is it so we push away the ones which care?

We carry on attempting endless, pointless, one end conversations with people who simply reply with one word. We like to believe somewhere deep down they may actually have an interest in talking to you, just a friend, yet their lack of effort describes differently.

We have the people who continue to make our lives misery by coming and going as they please, making us feel vulnerable, useless, and powerless.

We have the people who claim to understand, claim that they would find joy in listening to what you have to say, yet it is no fault of theirs I know however “I’m always here for you” doesn’t exactly fill you with much hope.

Why do we keep falling back into wanting the people that make us feel so worthless about ourselves?  because we like to kid ourselves into think they are going to change? That you are suddenly going to become a top priority?

Even to the point of society, we base our lives around even people we don’t know, trying to be this idea of perfect. If we don’t fit in with the rest of the world then where else can we possibly stand.

Negativity simply attracts negative people.

I remember a friend I had once and they were surprisingly very much like myself – which is very unlikely. Never the less we could talk for hours and hours, days and nights, yet never reach the point of boredom. I wondered why this was the case and then I realized – we had never once had a negative conversation. And no! This was not because we felt the need to hide any messed up aspect of our lives however it was because there was so much positivity, kindness and want between our words that it was as if the daunting roles in our lives had been erased. There wasn’t any need for us to discuss our troubles because there wasn’t any.

I guess my theory is – Negativity will only create more negativity. Positivity solves it.

I feel as if I am so blinded, trapped and suffocated in human beings bringing me down. I want to de-clutter myself – if you like. I’ve always truly believed that when you are happy yourself, you attract happy and positive people whereas if you spend your whole time trying to make others happy you realize that they’re the ones that don’t even have slightest ounce of care. I can remember the time in which I thought of my own feelings with depth and allowed people to form effort with me – yes this may sound selfish but I was believed to be a happier person, allowing me to realize I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks of me anymore. When you let go like that, it’s wonderful.

I believe it is time to open your eyes to what caring is, and to stop making time for what is not.

Holl.

Ps. I know I’ve failed with my “Blog challenge” HOWEVER that is to be back on track tomorrow. I have been busy with fiction never the less. I’ve begun a journal, if you wish to read. – https://penzu.com/p