A New Start? You tell me..

Good morning, afternoon, or evening fellow reader whatever it may appear to be.

Before I start I would just like to warn you I am actually finding it incredibly hard to type this right now because my long Christmas claws have now developed into even longer Christmas claws – opppss. So, that’s my first goal for next year sorted! – DO NOT get nails this long again, it leads to a writers disaster, haha.

Yeah, Christmas has now come and passed 😦 I’m feeling slightly puzzled into where I am at lately also, I think this time of year does that very cleverly. It throws you, I don’t even know what day it is!

Anyway we know what this calls for, roll on New Year!!! As much as I love the Christmas spirit and festiveness, I always feel before you know it you are already transporting into the “New Year feel”. It’s just as wonderful, yet feels so different, don’t you think? But because of this we obviously experience every human being transforming into some inspirational alien claiming they’re going to “change” or “have a new start”. Then within 2 weeks of the dreary January they’re back to there old ways, like the whole New Year period hadn’t even been witnessed.

Another concept of the whole “New start/resolutions” business that humors me is that people feel the need to give up whatever that is destroying them or claim to approach positivity at this specific time. Like why not at the moment in which it is bothering you? Why not right now. Why the hell wait for the hand on the clock to hit 12 for your “New Start” – because really that’s the indication you really don’t want to change at all. Bizarre.

Despite my complete hatred to the whole idea of a new year being a new start – I have surprisingly set some “realistic goals” I’d at least like to attempt throughout the wonders of 2014.

– I’d like to blog more to begin with and plan it properly (sometimes ;-)) – because I do enjoy living in spontaneity because you seem to write from the heart however life being life causes you to fall behind when you rely on motivation.

-I’d like to focus on writing a hell of a lot more. The past few months have made me realize how much I’ve actually fallen behind.

-I want to do something massive that I completely fear, and I know this is completely contradicting everything I have just told you all as probably half of the population use this one. It’s open and has no setting goal, I know, however I do know something else. 2014 is going to hold a lot of changes, new experiences and things – so I already have a hint in that I am going to be completely some extremely fearful things.

So, here is to another year, who knows maybe I’ll change half way through the year, or make some great discovery. I vow to a new day, not a new year. If something bothers you – act now, because you don’t have the time to wait for 2015. Haha.

Speak soon,

Holl.

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All the small things..

Okay, so this is a completely spontaneous (actually haven’t got a clue..) post. I’m in one of them weird a wonderful moods where I just feel like I need to express any form of thought flowing through my mind. I have the lovely Amy Macdonald playing in the background and a freshly brewed cup of tea – that I seem to be staring at, maybe oping from somewhere deep within my winter mug I discover some inspiration.

I seem to have reached a funny kind of obstacle in the sense I feel neither happy or sad tonight – I feel content however the freezing chill apparent in my toes and fingers and the dreary, dreadful sound of the wind and rain outside of my window seems to be bringing that dark and dull cloud over my head. I’ve been thinking (ey, don’t be too shocked ;-)) – and I asked myself the question “What has really made me happy or the cause of a smile upon my face already this week?”. So of course, I’ve done what I do best, what keeps me sane – I made a list.

  • Monday mornings – yep everyone hates them! Well this Monday I was surprisingly in an extremely positive mood.
  • I found a love and inspiration from a new Katy Perry song – “Choose your battles”. It isn’t often I find a songs lyrics that really touch me or a song from Katy Perry, haha.
  • It’s such a small gesture but a older lady, who very much reminded me of my Nana allowed me to go before her in the shop. I was only buying a bottle of water and she was topping up her electric bill and claimed “I’d be waiting forever”. Then we had a little chat, so we were both behind but she put the biggest smile on my face.
  • I cuddled up with my mum and decided to watch mama, okay It was slightly disappointing in the lack of horror, however I felt the ending completely made up for it and it gave me a pleasant surprise. I would recommenced!
  • It’s my birthday on Friday!!!!!! And of course Christmas is on it’s way!

If I recall tiny gestures over the previous few days, it tends to help that you are a lot happier than you realize a lot of the time. Even something as simple as having a friendly chat with a stranger. I think there is something beautiful in the sense, you can get to know whoever you like really, but the complete mystery of who they are is something you are ready to discover.

Lets get excited for Christmas now!!! Wahey!!

Speak soon,

Holl

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year..”

Okay, so if you know me personally you shall know that as soon as the 1st of December falls upon us, I almost burst with complete excitement (September this year….but shhh!) I have quite literally driven everyone completely bonkers this year, more so today as I have played Christmas songs since 9 am, I have no shame okay! 😉

I absolutely adore Christmas, I have no deny, as a Christmas baby myself. I think it’s such a cosy, calm, and loving time of year that I feel everyone looses touch of because of constant “Christmas stress”. See, I’m even slightly bonkers in the fact I enjoy “stressful Christmas shopping”, it excites me even more, opps.

I think what I do miss about Christmas the most though is the different type of joy and excitement you felt back when you were five years old. I mean what was ever better than dancing around your living room to “Santa Claus is coming to town” late on Christmas eve, before placing that yummy mince pie and carrot out for Santa and Rudolf. The amazing feeling of anticipation and nervousness in hoping you’re not awake when he arrives, while wondering if you really will meet Santa placing the presents you’ve been extra good for all year underneath your perfectly decorated Christmas tree. To wake on Christmas morning bouncing out of bed without any hesitation at all, rising early, almost shouting at your parents to join you. I always had to get my dad to go down the stars first of course just to check if “Santa really had been” and oh he always had… and so I would dart down the stairs faster than you could imagine.

I always enjoyed opening presents (who doesn’t? ;-)) but as I was doing so I always found that I was more excited towards heading to my nana’s for Christmas dinner. I’ve ALWAYS been a family person – I adore being around everyone and seeing everyone happy and full of joy and Christmas is that one time I get to experience it. It’s wonderful, don’t you think?

Over the past few years, our family Christmas hasn’t exactly been the best which saddens me really however this year I feel something in the air has changed. I am looking forward to Christmas again – and it is fantastic. It’s magical.

So, this year, I am going to go back to being that little kid because of course Santa is always going to be real 😉 I am actually so super excited, that I’ve even bought a little flashing Christmas tree for my room (which by the way is giving me quite the seizure, hahaha!)

My question is for you, what’s your favorite thing about Christmas? I’d love to know!

I’m going to go enjoy a lovely warm cuppa and a cosy read of a wonderful book I would high recommenced! “Feel the fear and do it anyway!” by Susan Jeffers. This book has helped me great amounts and fills you with such a wonderfully positive outlook!

So lets be positive it’s Christmas, time for mince pies and cakes 😉

Speak soon,

Holl.

Dear body.. – I’m sorry

Okay, so maybe I am cheating slightly, but shhh! Yesterday when finally having a sit down for my caffeine fix and a cheeky flick through cosmetic magazine, I came across something that touched me rather a lot. It was a section called “Dear Body..” , where 4 beautiful women had participated in writing a letter to their own body.

Okay, that probably sounds bizarre however it really inspired me – the first woman had been a marathon runner for the past 5 years and had trained, and had mentally and physically exhausted her body. The second was a lovely lady who discovered self admiration when she was pregnant. The third was a woman who’s insecurities has led her to gastric bands and self harm and the last woman was disabled and fights her way through life with only one arm. Each one of them brilliant wrote their letters on a discovery path into loving their bodies.

Now, for a while I have been battling and eating disorder and that isn’t something I tend to declare, so columns weight or body related in magazines are something I tend to avoid however I was highly inspired. So, here it goes…

Dear Body….

It is extremely clear that I am sorry. I am trying my hardest to make it up to you in any possible way I can – I hope one day I can.

If we were two different people, you’d surely hate me, and they say hate is a strong word. The sad thing is you have reason to hate me and I have no reason to hate you. You serve so many wonderful purposes. You allow me to survive each day, keeping me alive and breathing and what am I doing? only depriving you from these abilities. 

I believe every single one of us as human beings are not grateful in the slightest towards the most simplest things in life – like a tiny ability but ever so large such as breathing. I take you for granted. You have enabled me to be a being in this world, day in and day out, and all I do is despise everything in which you are not rather than love what you are.

I remember the times in which I have felt content with myself, and you, and thought “Hey, I actually love you body ;-)” – because I truly believe that along the path of self hate and destruction we loose knowledge in allowing yourself to feel passionate towards your own body.

I mean common! What living right do I have to despise you in ways that I do? I have none. You have never harmed me or caused such cruelty. Only given me life.

So, looking positivity at the concept I would like to thank-you for allowing me to complete some wonders throughout my time on the planet.  Like the fact you allowed me to become a runner when I had be the most unhealthy idiot all of my life 😉 OR the ability to be a child, to run and jump and climb a bloody tree (IGNORING the fact I was always the girl who could never actually climb a tree…..)

I want to thank you in allowing me to dance and sing at Christmas parties, thank you for my ability to swim and to ride a bike, the ability to shop for 8 hours straight, the ability to travel and see beautiful places around the world.

Thank you for allowing me to see and to breathe. Thank you for allowing me to be me, because without you, I wouldn’t be me. I know the famous saying “it’s on the inside to what counts” – however without your wonderful abilities in keeping me striving, there would be no chance to discover the inside.

I’m trying to allow you in being yourself again, and I know it is hard right now, but we’ll strive through this because after all of these years can we shake hands?

Can we try to be friends.

All my love,

Hollie.