Together or Not At All…

Hello Sweet Peas,

I have a few photos to share with you…

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Here’s one of my best friends Chloe, or in my case Beardy. No one ever understands why we are so happy to see each other. Why we connect the way we do. I want to tell you a bit about here because by the end I can swear to you, you’ll adore her as much as I do.

Back in the days when I’d rather not remember my hair decisions or my fashion choices, I met Chloe. I hate to say it but never for a second did I ever think she would have the impact on me that she has. Over the years without realization me and beard have become almost dependent on each other. It was only however when we didn’t have each other there to bounce off, did we come to acknowledge it – only allowing us to resemble a married couple.  I can honestly say that she’s been there thick and thin whenever I needed her, from the smallest to the biggest thing. It’s not often you find someone like that, that can be there day in day out and it’s only when they’re gone you say “hold on a minute, they were my bloody partner in crime” …

I feel privileged in knowing that Beardy has come to me for various things over the years, little aspects of her life she has slowly but surely began to open up to, knowing she can put her trust in to me is wonderful. I’ve watched this trust build up, at first cautious however slowly but surely finding hope in me.

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You know the person who is the strongest? The joy to everyone’s day with not a single bad word pass their lips and spark in their step. I always see this in Chloe, no matter what she’d be there for anyone and everyone. I’m one of the only people who have seen the slightly different side. The less confident, scared and lonely girl just wanting to be saved from all the demons many of us face in different ways.

As you know, I’m extremely up in raising awareness towards any mental illness and reducing any kind of stigma. I want people to be fully aware that 1) they should never be ashamed, it makes you who you are in which many people love you and wouldn’t change you for the world and 2) you’re never alone, there’s so many other people out there looking and searching for the exact same support and comfort. Well, I want to raise awareness for something my wonderful best friend has been fighting for many years and I cannot express how god damn proud I am. To hear to words that she finally feels happy, in which she only said a few days ago is like complete joy and excitement to my ears.

Chloe has suffered with the awful mental illness Trichotillomania, a mental illness where a person has a need and impulse to pull their hair out as well as eyelashes and eyebrows. It’s often due to stresses, depression and anxiety however it becomes a addictive and extremely controlling and watching someone be so traumatized by it for so many years is devastating. This illness can cause so many medical issues, such as being blinded and it also impacts on your confidence and increases isolation and social skills. It can lead to frustration and embarrassment in social aspects of life, and involve many restrictions.

I’ve always wanted Beard to know she is not alone and being on this journey and watching her slowly but surely start to overcome these challenges has been outstanding. It will always be a trouble in her life, just like all mental illnesses are in any case however we can clearly see there is a light at the end of every tunnel. Just like me and Anorexia there is always that evil side of you that wants to turn back, it being part of you life for so long these addictions become close friends however with the right love and support we can prove that together we can fight anything. It’s true that these addictions become a coping mechanism, so reach out, don’t be scared to talk about it even if it’s just building up that trust with one person like Chloe did with me. We may have just helped save each other lives and happiness.

If you ever want to contact me or Chloe with advice, support or questions, feel free to e-mail us;

Hollie – holllie54321d@hotmail.co.uk

Chloe – chloebeard1998@gmail.com

Chloe has also recently took the big step in talking about her mental illness and has actually launched a blog herself – http://justcallmebeardy.wordpress.com/

If you could hop over there and send all your love, support and huggles like I know you all will do, Id be so grateful.

Sending love and sparkles to all you little fighters out there.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

A Week in Photos (3)

Hello Sweet Peas,

I missed last week! I do apologize, it’s actually been a busy few weeks so here’s a little insight into what I’ve been up to.

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 1. Dragon Fly Tea – Anyone who knows me is aware of my over obsessive love for tea, especially new wonderful flavored teas. I discovered the make Dragon Fly which I must add the peppermint green tea is wonderful and whats better than a tea with cute little messages?

2. Cold Mornings and Porridge – Yes, I’ve already purchased my first Christmas mug of the year (I couldn’t help myself) I mean just look how cute the penguin is, he was practically calling my name and of course the cold mornings have started creeping there way back in, so porridge is always the answer.

3. Happiness and Bunny ears – I think being able to let go of everything just for one night is the most important thing. To be able to stop and say ‘hold on a minute, this is my time’. I had a lovely night last weekend in Blackpool with Ellie, where we both just forgot about anything and enjoyed ourselves. Of course, I resorted back to being a kid when the only priority was buying flashing bunny ears.

4. Fabulous Trouser Life – River Island sales oh how I love you! Recently I’ve been a sucker for baggy, wonderfully printed trousers and my my when these were just £10, how could I say no?

5. Frozen Frantic- Yesterday me, Mumma and Ella all headed for a little afternoon out and popped into Matalan. I love Matalan for the odd bits and bobs and got a tad excited at all the new Christmas home ware section. Then making our way to the till I spotted this little number and absolutely loved it. I love popping my protein shakes into little cups like this, so it really was perfect. ~(And I love frozen… a tad too much)

6. Ginger Bread Latte Galore –  Yesterday being a little treat day I had to take a little trip to Costa and have a cheeky ginger bread latte, which Is the ultimate Christmas drink and my absolute favorite.

7. Halloween Mania- As you know Halloween is just in fact right around the corner and in our house hold we absolutely love it, and of course this year decided to go all out in Asda. I literally couldn’t resist the sparkly pumpkins and skull heads being the big girl that I am.

8. Skull Shot glasses – On our little Halloween Asda trip I cam across these little fellas Skull head shot glasses!! I mean how fab are they? You cannot deny.

9. Weight lifting Pumpkins – And of course Halloween can only mean Pumpkins and I can confirm we spent ages trying to choose the biggest and best pumpkins. After finally choosing we finally picked and me and me little muscles managed to carry him… wahey!

10. ‘Bring Murray’s Bum Back’ – Yes, this Extra Large Pick n’ Mix was most certainly allowed last night, lets call it a ‘Halloween Eve’ treat, as 1. it was a ‘little’ cheat night 2. I’ve been craving sweets for god knows how long 3. we are on a strong mission to bring Hollie’s bum back. So you cheeky cola bottles… go to my arse…

11. Cozy jumpers and boring Sundays- Cold weather is most certainly starting to consume me, which only results to my fingers and toes being left to freeze. I bought this jumper this week which I absolutely adore, going out my comfort zone slightly with the color but I strangely love it, plus it’s unbelievably comfy and warm. Bonus!

12. Keep going and Never stop – I have to admit the past four weeks have been incredibly hard for me, yet I’m still striving and still fighting. I want to keep going and shut out all the thoughts and feeling telling me that I can’t and I think this quote sums this up perfectly. I think it’s important to start accepting you’ll have set backs and failures, yet just because you do it isn’t the end. They only allow you to keep striving and going.

I hope you enjoyed these little set of piccys and I hope you have all had a fabulous week.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

A Week in Photos (2)

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Hello Sweet Peas,

Gosh has a week really flown by already? I feel like time is going by way too quickly recently but hey here is a little bit in what I’ve been up to;

1. SHOES – Yes, I have come to the conclusion is is most certainly possible to fall in love with a pair of shoes because I ordered these beauties and couldn’t have been happier. I mean just look at them! So, I stated a new motto to my mum – “Shoes are better than humans, they never leave you,” hey, it’s pretty much true, haha.

2. Black Obsessions – I don’t think I’ll ever loose my love for black clothing, or the fact that winter is most certainly on it’s way and I despise the cold. I must add thought how much I love my knitted headband, It’s literally proved to be a life saver and I love it way too much (and works perfectly well on a bad hair day)

3. Details –  I love outfits that have the tiniest yet most effect of details, I think adding the simplest of things truly allows an outfit to transform and come together. I’m absolutely loving scarfs for layers at the moment also and on this day particular, I felt my outfit was simple yet satisfying.

4. Guinea Pig lovin’ – Here’s just two of the 7 Guinea pigs in our house, my sister’s Percy and my little Tiny Tim. I’ve spent most of the weekend cuddled up with the guinea pigs, and to be honest lately it’s my most favorite thing to do. Even if Tim is anything but like a Guinea pig and would rather climb up around my shoulders…

5. Tattoo Ideas- I plan to have two tattoos at Christmas, one being a little elephant in which I’ve wanted for so so long and the second I’ve been a little indecisive towards. I did however want something on the lines of recovery and Eating Disorders, and I absolutely love this. So I’ve decided I’d love something on the lines of this, either on my arm, upper back or under booby!

6.Cheat Night – Mmmm last night was cheat night and all week I’ve been craving cheese and crackers, so I brought Christmas early and caved in to a box of Jacob’s. Oh my. Along with way too many chocolate match makers and cinnamon popcorn but hey… it’s once a week right…

Hope you’ve all had fabulous week’s and now X Factors back with the live shows it’s most certainly Christmas countdown begun. Mwaha.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

What if tomorrow didn’t exsist?

Hello sweet peas,

I hope you are well and enjoying the lovely sunshine in that Britain has finally provided us with, I know I am at long last however I am half expecting the usual rain to hit us anytime soon.

I’m out to make this short but sweet and take a moment to share this song with you in which I’ve grown to really love. It’s a new song by Sia who I’ve actually always liked however I hadn’t properly listened to this song because I wasn’t too keen at the start but after finally listening, I realized how much I adored the lyrics.

“I’m going to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist”

This lyric in particular caught my attention, as I caught myself in a little daze over analyzing it (Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this… haha)

I like it never the less and I think I can really apply it to a lot in my life at the moment. I find I live too much in the “what if..” rather than trust what I feel right this second. “What if this goes wrong”, “What if tomorrow I feel fat”, “What if tomorrow this food make me gain 20 stone”, “What if tomorrow they won’t talk to me” but what if tomorrow wasn’t to come around? What if just by chance tomorrow were to never exist? So think, if this were true, would you really be fussed about the message you just sent yet suddenly regret or the slice of chocolate cake you failed to challenge yourself to. If tomorrow isn’t there then why in the hell would it matter because you’d focus on enjoying now, you wouldn’t be contemplating what the next 24 hours would supposedly bring. You’d be living.

That’s what I want to try and attempt, I want to live this moment like in the next waking it weren’t to matter. I want to attempt at trying to loose the thoughts that every little move I make today impacts massively on my thoughts, feelings and actions the next day. I want to live, embrace and enjoy now because in all honesty that’s all that really matters (yes I know this sounds cheesy but it’s true)

Who cares if you gain a lb in one night? It’s probably water weight.

Who cares if you say the wrong thing and he never talks to you again? You can’t please everyone.

Who cares if you don’t do everything on your ‘to do’ list? You’re only human.

I mean think of reality, being very close to loosing life and feeling like I had lost life, truly we don’t know that tomorrow is going to come around at all.

Lets just stop and be happy.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

The path to self confidence

Hello Sweet Peas,

“You were wild once. Don’t let them tame you.”

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I’m not one huge for quotes as such however this one shall forever be my favorite. I love it and it’s quirkiness, common you can’t disagree! It’s one I apply to not just huge situations but to my day to day life most days.

I’ve been contemplating writing this post for a while now, as at times I feel I could be slightly hypocritical, as I’ve always been known as not the most confident of people. Looking at the younger me, I was the quiet, more vulnerable, shy girl who was most certainly scared to ‘speak up’  for what she felt or wanted. Yet that’s how I discovered my love for expressing myself through pen and paper and good old literature of course, yet again it was simply another thing I failed to believe I could ever achieve.

I’ve grown however and into someone who strongly believes that fears shouldn’t be crafty and stand in the way of you ever reaching for something you want. So looking back and at how far I’ve actually come as a person, I thought, why shouldn’t I write this post? I could pass my techniques and ideas onto someone’s benefit – so here I am.

Confidence comes in all different forms really – body image, completing daily tasks, goals and dreams, or even down to simply a conversation with someone new. We all have our very own strengths and weaknesses in different aspects of life and of course it’s good to accept that, that is okay because I can express to you now how god damn healthy that is – everyone struggles.

It’s takes an awful lot to begin overcoming fears, challenging ourselves and supplying yourself with confidence – if it isn’t always there naturally (and if it is always there, then well done, because I think you cracked life.. haha)

However do I believe it can be learned, practiced and improved gradually. If you have already signed the deed in deciding you are the ‘shy’ ‘un-confident’ type who cannot achieve your huge dreams or wear that dress because it doesn’t ‘suit you’, stop right there, that’s not you and it should never detirmine what you want. I’ve learned that, (I’m no professional but I’ve tried) – So I want to share some of my ‘tips’ with you.

  1. Negative and Positive balance –

It’s human nature to allow our brains to jump head first straight to the negative aspects and thoughts of a situation. It’s normal and okay when you can focus on some fabby positives also however when you begin to completely dismiss any positive and hope at all, well then it appears a problem. It’s all about balance – too much positivity would be incredibly weird but none at all just leads you to complete misery. But how do you possibly begin to weigh out these thoughts?

You can apply this ‘balancing out’ in any self confidence matter however a big issue I and many others face is worrying and anxiety, in which affects daily decisions, tasks and events massively. After years, my anxiety has surprisingly improved since I start mastering this technique and all it takes is practice!

You have to begin to argue back against the negative thought, and a good way to start is by creating a chart or writing it down. Start with writing the negative thought or comment, for example – “I don’t want to go out with them, they don’t really want me there” “I can’t wear that dress, it makes my bum look HUGE!!!!” “I can’t possibly speak in that presentation, I’m too shy, I’d mess up” .

Then make a second column (and this is the hard part)…. the opposite positive thought. For example – “I could actually have a great time, they asked me to come and they didn’t have to, of course they want me there” “This dress actually makes me legs look amazinggggg!!” “I’ll find speak in the presentation difficult but if I never try I’ll never know, it could go brilliantly and I’m going to get the job”

Try and think of more and more positives, and the more you search for the easier it’ll get – it’s perfectly normal to receive the anxiety and worrying thoughts but once you learn to start balancing them out, you’ll find life runs more smoothly. It’s like carrying two shopping bags, if ones heavier then the other eventually you’ll be weighed down. Yet if they’re even, you can walk out the shop satisfied with them gorgeous new pair of shoes you just bought for your date tonight 😉

      2. Don’t assume everyone you meet thinks badly of you –

When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t”

I don’t want to say the usual ‘Don’t care about what people think about you’ because even I know that’s way too difficult, again due to today’s society, it’s only normal to do so.

Yet over time I’ve taught myself something along the same lines but tricked my mind slightly, instead of not caring at all, I say “stop assuming they’re thinking badly”

You can sometimes be making someone for the first time or simply walking down the street and start to assume the craziest of ideas – “They’re staring at me, they must think I’m fat” “Do I have something on my face” “I didn’t say the right think, god they must think I’m stupid” “They didn’t even smile at me, they must hate me” “I bet they thought I looked a mess” Okay, you get the point I could go on forever here…. But, did you ever stop to think about how we are all doing the same thing? We are all worried about what we are thinking about each other, so really it’s just a vicious circle. Also, on my balancing line again, isn’t there just as much chance that someone is thinking positively towards you rather than negative? They could be contemplating how amazing your hair looks or questioning where you got your top from because they love the design. Never jump to the conclusion that what you feel about yourself is actually what the rest of the world sees. As soon as you perfect that, you find yourself forgetting about people around you and enjoying life.

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     3. Learn to trust yourself before others –

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live”

Of course I know the importance of trusting loved ones and others around you however I find learning to actually trust yourself gives you far more possibilities in life. Lets look at it in the aspect of goals and dreams. Most of us have this strong belief that we aren’t ‘good enough’ to achieve something or we’d never make it, it’s easy for me to sit here and say start believing in yourself obviously yet why can’t we? Because we simply accept criticism in the wrong context.

When someone tells you that you can’t, use that as a drug and let it take you way beyond the highs of proving you actually can! Trust that something you have an actual passion in is something you can shine to the world, whether it be acting, writing, singing, dancing, running, swimming or flipping sky diving! Bloody do it!

        4. Surround yourself with supportive people –

This one is actually quite obvious, yet we still fail to achieve it. If there is someone that doubts you or doesn’t provide you with a positive radiance and vibe, why are you wasting your time with them? Or worse trying to please them! It’s the same with things we watch, read and listen to, why do we watch things or read blogs or comments that simply make us feel worse about ourselves?

Instead surround yourself with people and things that please you and make you a happier person. It’s a wonderful feeling being with someone, doing something you love and simply forgetting the rest of the world because you can simply enjoy the situation you are in – you are happy.

For example my dog – I love the little bugger.

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      5. Try something new and practice it

“If your comfort zone is misery, it’s time to get uncomfortable”

I believe stepping out of your comfort zones is beyond useful for confidence. I constantly whether I am happy or not will become so used to something and then begin to fear it ever changing it or even trying something different – even if it is going to make me happy because I still have the doubt it won’t. We fear the unknown so we settle for our comforts, in most cases aren’t what we wish for.

Personally I struggle with new people, not talking to them but getting close and letting people in, I’d rather people just see the surface of me instead of the ins and outs. Yet more and more over the past few months I’m attempting letting people in, being more open about myself and appearing confident. Believe me it’s far more attractive to be simply proud of who you are rather than them finding out later on..

Try something new, big or small, important or not, just try it because you have no clue of the out come. You’ll never find confidence if you stick to what you’re comfortable with. Take a risk, today, now, do it.

And practice….. Practice everything I have stated, of course I am no professional but over time and years of practice I am finding self confidence is coming to me more and more each day. I used to be scared of wearing what I wanted, being who I wanted and saying what I wanted but truthfully I’m not anymore. Confidence doesn’t come over night and I’ll never be high on the confidence scale but with time and working on yourself and how you view things, I can assure you it gets a lot easier. Just don’t give up.

I hope you all enjoyed this post and a big thank you to my mum for becoming the photographer 😉 because I felt extremely happy today and the sun was shining, why not become a model? Haha. Have this attractive one to sum up the post…….. (I wasn’t ready at all..ha)

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Speak soon,

Holl xxx

The inner writer – 10 days of writing 6

Hello sweet peas,

I hope you’re well and today has treated you wonderfully, even if my day has been a tad on the boring side however I bought new shoes so it can’t all be that bad right? Anyway keeping that short and sweet, here’s today’s little topic (don’t worry it’s not massively in the deep end, you can make that sigh of relief)

Music – Pick three of your favorite songs. What feelings and thoughts do they bring you. Contentment, peace, encouragement, or determination? Have they impacted you?

This is like the worlds most daunting question for anyone of us, I think haha. That dreaded moment when a friend or maybe someone you’ve just met asks – “What’s your favorite song?” because quite frankly how could you ever pick a favorite song. There’s just too many. There is for me anyway, and the fact I most likely get a new favorite every other week, opps. However I’ve really had a think and put my mind to it and just about managed to muster up 3 of my favorite songs, and my favorite lyric from them, oooo (It was beyond hard, believe me)

1- Lies – Marina and The Diamonds: I know I have actually mentioned this one yet I have no denying in that this sogn shall always be a favorite of mine. I couldn’t really express to you what It makes me feel, I just some how feel incredibly close to the lyrics and the song, if that were possible. I feel she always portrays herself in such a strong minded way and I look up to her like no one else. Listening to it kind of sends me off to another little world, where it’s just myself and the wonderful Marina Diamond’s voice (I know I sound beyond deluded, oh well) Either way it sparks some crazy emotion within me, as seeing her perform it live caused me to hysterics, ah well.

“To believe it’s all been worth the fight” – I adore this lyric, simply because so many times I face the whole “Is it worth it” with situations and people and think that’s what we fear as humans. That once we’ve tried our best with someone, we’ll only be hurt or let down, if only we could have the reassurance at the start ey?

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2- How To Be A Heart Breaker – Marina and the Diamonds: I know! Another, I’m sorry! Nah I’m not really because again this is seriously one of my favorite songs ever. I found it so hard to pick between this one and ‘Are you satisfied?’ because believe me I love The Family Jewels just as much as good old Electra Heart. Yet, dare I say this song is like my life’s theme tune – If I were to be a film, or my life was a soap this song would be used, in fact make sure it’s played at my funeral, yep. If I’m ever in a bad mood or a bad place, simply play this song to me and I change within seconds. Marina continuously reminds me what it’s like to be strong and independent and a woman, I guess. Her lyrics are literally therapy to my ears, in making me proud of who I am. It makes me incredibly determined to strive for everything I want and not let anyone ever get in the way. And that is this song for you.

I couldn’t pick a favorite lyric from this song because I literally love them all and ladies should most certainly all follow the four rules.

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3 – Not Ready To Make Nice – Dixie Chicks: I’ll put my hands up, I’m full on guilty for loving country music and if you’ve never heard to the Dixie Chicks I suggest you check them out because I adore them. This song has an awful lot of meaning to me. I can relate to the lyrics an awful lot and over the years it has supported me and almost guided me through a lot of battles I’ve faced. If I’m ever angry or over thinking a situation, instead of fighting the emotion, I’ll play this song and sing it so loudly I most likely deafen the whole population within 100 feet around me.

Again, I love this whole song yet there is one lyric I really do cherish. It’s how the song starts and how it begins;

Forgive sounds good, forget I’m not sure I could” I love this so much because It’s so easy to forgive someone sometimes because you simply have to, yet the mark and scar they have made is never forgotten. You’ll always remember that and I think that’s what makes moving on so god damn difficult.

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Hope you enjoyed today’s post chicka’s but now I’m shattered and my bed is most certainly calling my name,

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

The inner writer – 10 days of writing 2

Okay, I know I’ve already failed at sticking to ’10 days’ but hey I’ll never change (I’m working on it okay ;-)) The past few days I haven’t even had a minute to sit down and blog never mind begin to think of what to create beneath my fingertips.

Never the less, I feel today’s little topic suits the day far better, it’s mumma’s birthday! Wahey!

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Happiness – What is your own secret for happiness? What one word would you use to describe in how to be truly happy?

I think this topic can be extremely blown out of proportion, we all answer in similar ways and along extremely unoriginal lines. We’ll claim the obvious – family, friends, love, shopping, eating, running, dancing and so on – I mean of course these things are there to supply us with happiness yet despite the joy they bring us we continuously take them for granted. Doesn’t that kind of give the idea of happiness a hint of false hope?

My secret for happiness? Don’t try, which probably sounds extremely weird but yes you heard – don’t try. Trying to be happy will lead you nowhere because honestly, if you are having to try at the start, you mustn’t be truly happy at all. I believe in time happiness will come at it’s own pace and one day you’ll stop for a second and realize that you’re no longer worrying about the job interview coming up or don’t seem to have the slightly ounce of care about what the girl sat opposite thinks of you. That’s happiness, when you can let go, let go and not even try because you already are.

Of course, I have to follow the crowd and with today being Mumma’s birthday, I want to state how bloody happy that woman makes me. I cannot even express how much I treasure her and days like today, again we are off to Nana’s for a ‘Birthday BBQ’ (however of course the great British weather has lead us to the classic indoor BBQ, great) Never the less our little family get together always puts a huge smile on my face. They allow me to be truly happy and I believe when we all come together the buzz always creates a warm happiness, well when my sister isn’t being the moodiest creature to walk the Earth (oh the joys of 12 year olds)

I guess when it comes down the it, each and every one of us interpret happiness in each and every possible way but that’s what makes it so wonderful. If something makes you happy in which you truly believe, never let anyone stand in the way of that.

And if you find yourself not so happy today, think of all the reasons you should be rather than not, put a smile upon your face and I swear it can work miracles.

Speak soon,

Holl xxx

The inner writer – 10 days of writing

Hello sweet peas,

I have something a little new for you! So lately I’ve actually been bursting to the seams with fictional ideas, jotting things down and continuously finding myself inspired from my surroundings and the people around me. Any writer will tell you that when this occurs it’s the most fantastic feeling, the never ending possibilities your single mind is making, letting you create whatever you wish.

With all this inspiration, I thought I’d use my writing in doing a little challenge in helping me and you discover a little deeper into myself through life and as a writer.

Branding – What word best describes your personality? How does it affect you as a writer? How does it perceive you?

I’ve always found this hard, I mean how can we describe ourselves? without being negative or extremely positive?

One things that probably does say a lot about my personality is I hate the idea of actually being ‘branded’. As I’ve grown and studied people, I’ve realized that constantly day in day out all we ever seem to be is labeled, like we should all be in our own little groups following these silly rules. Rules to ‘fit in’ and I guess up to some extent feel and be accepted, leading to trying to constantly please every single person around us because that will make us happy right?

I’m very opinionated towards this and I guess you could then state me being a little bit stubborn (or a lot)

That’s me – stubborn because If I have a point to make or something to prove, I’ll back it until there is literally nothing left to prove.

Lately, I lot of my fictional characters have reflected me quite a lot and most of the females I create are actually rather moody and stubborn, opps. I’m not trying to say I’m a complete downer because another thing I most certainly like to portray is smiling.

So the happier me would claim to be the biggest smiler in the world, again something one of my most recent characters is known best for – her smile. I was once shopping and some lovely lady who reminded me of my Nana came up to me as I was browsing the shoes (of course) and claimed how my smile literally lit up the whole room, and how nice it was to see a young girl so genuinely happy. I’ve never forgotten this and I think something to wonderful as that to be noticed for, is quite frankly better than any other thing in the world.

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It’s good from time to time to think of how you actually perceive yourself and recall on how you actually are as a person. Like sometimes my stubbornness ruins so many chances and opportunities – so I’m most certainly working on that.

Speak soon, (Well tomorrow ;-))

Holl xxx

 

Power in your hands

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about control recently. Control over little day to day things, control over myself, my actions and thoughts, and control over my own life and how really we can actually make it what we aspire.

For a long time I’ve grasped on so tightly to the fact that for the past 6 years of my life I’ve had no control over all of the life changing things that have happened – some bad and of course some good. Yet they’ve influenced me in so many way that from time to time I really wish they hadn’t. Throughout recovering from an eating disorder, I’ve come to realize that the whole aspect of it is based around control, and with myself it portrays my frustration in the lack power I’ve had over the years. My eating disorder and food is the only thing I think I have control towards, so I dropped into it completely as a comfort in making me feel whole.

This is why I wanted to share this quote with you because I absolutely love it. ‘You were never in control anyway’ and guess what? that’s perfectly okay! I once loved the evil sense of control but don’t be fooled because that quite frankly turned into yet another thing I lost control of. Meaning it’s time to let go and to sit back and accept that these things happen throughout life beyond what we wish – and that’s perfectly okay. I now always keep in mind that now matter what struggles I’m being faced or daunting changes I cannot determine face me, that very soon some brilliant, fabulous and exciting new experience will conquer me.

As I’ve begun to move on, I’ve also realized the lack of people in which I depend and turn to because guess what? I’m surviving on my own. The power is finally in my hands and I have the whole entire world to explore and conquer.

It’s good to be positive right? Have a fabulous day.

Speak soon,

Holl xx

On the route to happiness

Hello sweet pea’s,

Guess who’s been a busy bee? Me! For the past week or so I literally have not stopped. I’ve been here there and everywhere and quite literally when I decided to miss my train stop and end up in London Huston (taking in account I live in the North West.. oppssie) Anyway putting that aside it’s actually been a really wonderful and positive looking week, the buissness has had less of that draining dread and more of a optical buzz. A very busy bee has also created and extremely happy Hollie! So, of course I’m going to fill you in, lucky you 😉 (but grab a cuppa, this could take a while)

First was fathers day, I’m not usually the biggest fan of mothers and fathers days, whether that’s just because my and mum like to spend time and treat each other regularly I don’t know. Although this year due to the weather claiming to be the tiniest bit summery, me, mumma and my little sister all headed for a yummy BBQ at my Nana’s and Grandads. Yet British weather being it’s usual indecisiveness self decided to supply us with wind, rain and cloud (did I mention how much this depresses me?) however we still managed by having a fabby ‘inside BBQ’ (good old Nana to the rescue, ey?)

I loved spending the day with my grandad, as he is actually a huge idol and inspiration to me. He’s the type of man that will keep himself to himself but observe and fully care about everyone. If something is important and needed to be said he will say it and tell you, yet if it doesn’t he will keep out of it and stay quiet. This is why over the past year or so his words have really helped me more that most because whenever he has valued me with his opinion, I have known it’s 100% true. Anyway, despite the overall soppy side to me a grandad, we actually spent most of the night singing because we both love it way too much. Even if we did drive the whole house mad…. opsie, haha.

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The next thing coming up on the Hollie calendar was one of my best friends birthdays and of course me being the most wonderful friend that I am, had to plan a surprise and treat her a little. It turned out quite a success as I got together a few of our closest friends and had a cheeky little get together, which was nice just to spend some time together, as it doesn’t happen that often. She actually really enjoyed it and to know that was the most comforting thing in the world.

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Luckily I can easily escape a hangover, so there was no issue in carrying on my fabby week 😉

The weekend hit and I then took a trip the Manchester to meet some lovely girls Clare, Issy, Daisy, Daisy, Sally, Olivia and Ellie, whom I’ve been wanting to meet for quite a while. So seen as the sun was shining and it was a wonderful day we decided to meet up for a spot of lunch and a shop (of course) in which I bought the prettiest skirt from urban outfitters. It’s was £30 reduced to £10, how could I not? See 😉 I can honestly say they are the friendliest and most perfect girls to spend the day with and talking with them made me incredibly happy and was the most comfortable I’ve felt in a long time. Plus I had Fro-Yo for the first time ever, and I swear I can’t believe I’ve never tried it, where have you been all my life?20140623-014627 pm.jpg

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Meeting all these girls was wonderful and meeting my little Ellie who I feel like I’ve known forever, I can honestly say she has opened my eyes up to so much positivity and possibilities in life. I really didn’t want to leave and cannot wait to see her again. She is truly a friend I’ll treasure forever. Plus our photos were super cute, sorry.

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These small things over the past week I’ve realized have actually been massive, as I think we forget through life to stop and value the people around us. I know I know, that’s a very vague and common thing to state, yet I believe it’s true. These people in my life bring me so much joy and happiness and that’s the most natural and satisfying treatment of them all.

I then ended my week with the most fantastic run and yummy healthy, yes healthy pancake breakfast, (the recipe shall be up soon ;-)) as the sun was then shining and the weather was marvelous, it was like the week was made for me.

 

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And lastly (yes I swear I’m finishing my blabbering soon) I want to mention another little diamond in my life at the moment, Tiny Tim! And yes don’t be deceived by the ‘tiny’ because he is actually a guinea pig and not a hamster 😉 I think I mentioned in an older post that our guinea pigs had supplied us with a whole family of baba guinea pigs. I can honestly say it’s been the most hectic few weeks looking after them and more so my little Tiny Tim as we were in complete worry he wasn’t going to make it. He was unbelievably small and really struggled to gain any weight however he has now luckily started eating and gaining weight! He completely my good luck charm and I swear he was brought into this world for us to fight together.

 

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So that’s it, as you can see every thing has been tip top and I hope this has supplied you with any sort of motivation to get up and do because trust me it’s such a refreshing feeling.

What have you guys been up to?

Speak soon,

Holl xx