The path to self confidence

Hello Sweet Peas,

“You were wild once. Don’t let them tame you.”

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I’m not one huge for quotes as such however this one shall forever be my favorite. I love it and it’s quirkiness, common you can’t disagree! It’s one I apply to not just huge situations but to my day to day life most days.

I’ve been contemplating writing this post for a while now, as at times I feel I could be slightly hypocritical, as I’ve always been known as not the most confident of people. Looking at the younger me, I was the quiet, more vulnerable, shy girl who was most certainly scared to ‘speak up’  for what she felt or wanted. Yet that’s how I discovered my love for expressing myself through pen and paper and good old literature of course, yet again it was simply another thing I failed to believe I could ever achieve.

I’ve grown however and into someone who strongly believes that fears shouldn’t be crafty and stand in the way of you ever reaching for something you want. So looking back and at how far I’ve actually come as a person, I thought, why shouldn’t I write this post? I could pass my techniques and ideas onto someone’s benefit – so here I am.

Confidence comes in all different forms really – body image, completing daily tasks, goals and dreams, or even down to simply a conversation with someone new. We all have our very own strengths and weaknesses in different aspects of life and of course it’s good to accept that, that is okay because I can express to you now how god damn healthy that is – everyone struggles.

It’s takes an awful lot to begin overcoming fears, challenging ourselves and supplying yourself with confidence – if it isn’t always there naturally (and if it is always there, then well done, because I think you cracked life.. haha)

However do I believe it can be learned, practiced and improved gradually. If you have already signed the deed in deciding you are the ‘shy’ ‘un-confident’ type who cannot achieve your huge dreams or wear that dress because it doesn’t ‘suit you’, stop right there, that’s not you and it should never detirmine what you want. I’ve learned that, (I’m no professional but I’ve tried) – So I want to share some of my ‘tips’ with you.

  1. Negative and Positive balance –

It’s human nature to allow our brains to jump head first straight to the negative aspects and thoughts of a situation. It’s normal and okay when you can focus on some fabby positives also however when you begin to completely dismiss any positive and hope at all, well then it appears a problem. It’s all about balance – too much positivity would be incredibly weird but none at all just leads you to complete misery. But how do you possibly begin to weigh out these thoughts?

You can apply this ‘balancing out’ in any self confidence matter however a big issue I and many others face is worrying and anxiety, in which affects daily decisions, tasks and events massively. After years, my anxiety has surprisingly improved since I start mastering this technique and all it takes is practice!

You have to begin to argue back against the negative thought, and a good way to start is by creating a chart or writing it down. Start with writing the negative thought or comment, for example – “I don’t want to go out with them, they don’t really want me there” “I can’t wear that dress, it makes my bum look HUGE!!!!” “I can’t possibly speak in that presentation, I’m too shy, I’d mess up” .

Then make a second column (and this is the hard part)…. the opposite positive thought. For example – “I could actually have a great time, they asked me to come and they didn’t have to, of course they want me there” “This dress actually makes me legs look amazinggggg!!” “I’ll find speak in the presentation difficult but if I never try I’ll never know, it could go brilliantly and I’m going to get the job”

Try and think of more and more positives, and the more you search for the easier it’ll get – it’s perfectly normal to receive the anxiety and worrying thoughts but once you learn to start balancing them out, you’ll find life runs more smoothly. It’s like carrying two shopping bags, if ones heavier then the other eventually you’ll be weighed down. Yet if they’re even, you can walk out the shop satisfied with them gorgeous new pair of shoes you just bought for your date tonight 😉

      2. Don’t assume everyone you meet thinks badly of you –

When you’re different, sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t”

I don’t want to say the usual ‘Don’t care about what people think about you’ because even I know that’s way too difficult, again due to today’s society, it’s only normal to do so.

Yet over time I’ve taught myself something along the same lines but tricked my mind slightly, instead of not caring at all, I say “stop assuming they’re thinking badly”

You can sometimes be making someone for the first time or simply walking down the street and start to assume the craziest of ideas – “They’re staring at me, they must think I’m fat” “Do I have something on my face” “I didn’t say the right think, god they must think I’m stupid” “They didn’t even smile at me, they must hate me” “I bet they thought I looked a mess” Okay, you get the point I could go on forever here…. But, did you ever stop to think about how we are all doing the same thing? We are all worried about what we are thinking about each other, so really it’s just a vicious circle. Also, on my balancing line again, isn’t there just as much chance that someone is thinking positively towards you rather than negative? They could be contemplating how amazing your hair looks or questioning where you got your top from because they love the design. Never jump to the conclusion that what you feel about yourself is actually what the rest of the world sees. As soon as you perfect that, you find yourself forgetting about people around you and enjoying life.

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     3. Learn to trust yourself before others –

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will learn how to live”

Of course I know the importance of trusting loved ones and others around you however I find learning to actually trust yourself gives you far more possibilities in life. Lets look at it in the aspect of goals and dreams. Most of us have this strong belief that we aren’t ‘good enough’ to achieve something or we’d never make it, it’s easy for me to sit here and say start believing in yourself obviously yet why can’t we? Because we simply accept criticism in the wrong context.

When someone tells you that you can’t, use that as a drug and let it take you way beyond the highs of proving you actually can! Trust that something you have an actual passion in is something you can shine to the world, whether it be acting, writing, singing, dancing, running, swimming or flipping sky diving! Bloody do it!

        4. Surround yourself with supportive people –

This one is actually quite obvious, yet we still fail to achieve it. If there is someone that doubts you or doesn’t provide you with a positive radiance and vibe, why are you wasting your time with them? Or worse trying to please them! It’s the same with things we watch, read and listen to, why do we watch things or read blogs or comments that simply make us feel worse about ourselves?

Instead surround yourself with people and things that please you and make you a happier person. It’s a wonderful feeling being with someone, doing something you love and simply forgetting the rest of the world because you can simply enjoy the situation you are in – you are happy.

For example my dog – I love the little bugger.

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      5. Try something new and practice it

“If your comfort zone is misery, it’s time to get uncomfortable”

I believe stepping out of your comfort zones is beyond useful for confidence. I constantly whether I am happy or not will become so used to something and then begin to fear it ever changing it or even trying something different – even if it is going to make me happy because I still have the doubt it won’t. We fear the unknown so we settle for our comforts, in most cases aren’t what we wish for.

Personally I struggle with new people, not talking to them but getting close and letting people in, I’d rather people just see the surface of me instead of the ins and outs. Yet more and more over the past few months I’m attempting letting people in, being more open about myself and appearing confident. Believe me it’s far more attractive to be simply proud of who you are rather than them finding out later on..

Try something new, big or small, important or not, just try it because you have no clue of the out come. You’ll never find confidence if you stick to what you’re comfortable with. Take a risk, today, now, do it.

And practice….. Practice everything I have stated, of course I am no professional but over time and years of practice I am finding self confidence is coming to me more and more each day. I used to be scared of wearing what I wanted, being who I wanted and saying what I wanted but truthfully I’m not anymore. Confidence doesn’t come over night and I’ll never be high on the confidence scale but with time and working on yourself and how you view things, I can assure you it gets a lot easier. Just don’t give up.

I hope you all enjoyed this post and a big thank you to my mum for becoming the photographer 😉 because I felt extremely happy today and the sun was shining, why not become a model? Haha. Have this attractive one to sum up the post…….. (I wasn’t ready at all..ha)

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Speak soon,

Holl xxx

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